I thought I'd throw together some thoughts on the topic of maturity (for Wikipedia's thoughts, see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maturity_%28psychological%29 and http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_maturity. These have no particular basis other than my life experience (I deliberately have not read the Wikipedia links), and I haven't bothered to try to track down the sources of some of my information. Feel free to disregard or disagree as you deem most appropriate :)
Let's begin by considering physical maturity.
Biologically, this is often indicated by the ability to reproduce. Animals are often considered physically mature at this point in their development, and I suspect that, in simpler times, many millennia in the past, humans were also considered mature at around that point.
I mentioned "in simpler times".
In today's world, survival is more complicated than it was in hunter-gatherer societies. In those societies, "work" to survive was, I have read, around 25-30hours per week. Now, in the materialistic, consumeristic western world, working weeks are often at least 35 hours, maybe up to 70 hours for some professionals/small business owners/driven people (I occasionally joke with my partner about "retiring to a 5 day, 40 hour week :) ), and education to significant standards of literacy and numeracy is almost essential.
Today, maturity - let’s call it "social maturity" - is generally defined as being at around 18 years of age. At that point, many societies allow young people to vote, be independent of parents, etc. A better way to define this would be the ability to function as an independent being in whatever society one is in. In Neanderthal society, that maybe meant having your own campfire and contributing to hunting and gathering. In today's western (developed) society, this is - in my opinion: keep your own thinking caps on and activated! - characterised by moving out of one's parents home. Unless you have a valid excuse such as a disability, if you haven't moved out and lived as an independent adult, you have not yet attained social maturity. To move out and live independently requires skills such as the ability to plan and prepare nutritious meals, budgeting, getting and keeping an adequate (legal) income and knowledge of legal requirements such as voting, not assaulting people or being a thief, etc. (Mind you, I do support things such as lowering voting age to 16 - or, at the very least, allowing those who are prepared to join the armed forces and potentially put their lives on the line for their country to be able to vote, if they are under the current voting age: to be able to be killed in a conflict in which you have no say is, to me, slightly more immoral than being able to be killed without a say ...)
The discrepancy between physical and social maturity has, in my opinion, been a problem at times: teenagers have bodies that for thousands of years were considered mature, but live in a society where they are not allowed to act as independent beings. (This is a bit like the problem of our dietary cravings being based on famine-feast conditions, rather than today's world of - for MOST of those in DEVELOPED nations - plenty [the qualification is because of poverty and homelessness].) Some of that is being addressed - for instance, some societies have ages of consent which are around 16 years old.
However, some of that discrepancy between physical and social maturity is, I consider, beneficial: being pregnant as a teenager in a society of Neanderthals, where life would be over when you lost your teeth at around 40years of age, where you were able to hunt or gather to help your band survive as a teenager, and where the band would probably help you without question, is probably less devastating than today's society where teenage parents are judged harshly, rarely adequately supported and may suffer from reduced opportunities for education.
In either case, starting to have sex does NOT show maturity, whether it is at below the legal age of consent (which, in many cases, is arguably too high or, in some cases, too low - and the discrepancy between same sex and opposite sex ages of consent is abhorrent, wrong and unjustifiable) or above, possibly well above. I've known, as I was growing and still at school, other kids who started having sex very early. They, despite a bravado that they were more mature and somehow inherently better people than other kids who chose not to have sex (and none of that was for religious reasons: the current neo-Christian fundamentalism hadn't made itself felt in that quiet little part of Queensland at that time - and maybe hasn't yet!) because of having had sex and "relationships" (VERY big quotation marks), were actually more probably just reacting thoughtlessly to genetic drivers (particularly the "selfish gene") and showing their immaturity by failing to understand what being an adult meant. For starters, they were NOT better human beings. (Also, I wonder if they went through the too common teenage whinges about housework and parties at home, and didn't think about contributing to the household economics ... if they did, they only confirm their immaturity.)
There is an issue which is very relevant here: emotional maturity.
Emotional maturity is largely independent of physical and mental maturity. I know people in their 30s, 40s and older who I consider far less emotionally mature than some teenagers. (That does NOT mean that all teenagers are emotionally mature! It certainly does not mean that any teenager is necessarily more mature than the adults around them.) Some of those older people are in the engineering profession that I currently labour in. I wish we made as widespread use of "Emotional Intelligence" (or "Emotional Quotient") tests as we did of IQ (Intelligence Quotient) tests. IQ is, to me, of far less importance than EQ.
Emotional maturity is, in my opinion, most characterised by the ability to defer gratification. The immature want pleasure, and want it NOW! In children, this immaturity may show as tantrums; in older people (including teenagers), it tends to show as materialism/consumerism - HAVING to have the latest gimmick or gizmo, or compulsive shopping (I am NOT referring to shopping occasionally for pleasure here), or being surprised when others don't share your consumerism/materialism. It is also a large part of the reason the plant is being screwed over environmentally, as consumerism/materialism (look the terms up on Wikipedia if you wish) in the developed world uses a massive amount of resources.
Another vaguely related issue here is population growth, which is, in my opinion, an environmental crime. Population growth happens for a wide range of reasons, but one of the key ones is the urge to have children - to leave something of oneself behind in the world, for posterity. Having "replacement numbers" of children is fine (although there are social issues such as discrimination against same sex couples, poverty and child abuse which need to be corrected. One of the ulitmate signs of maturity is to control this powerful biological urge and have no more than "replacement numbers" of children. (Read "The Selfish Gene", by Richard Dawkins, for some thoughts on this issue.)
One other aspect of emotional maturity I wish to mention here is the ability to form and sustain mutually fulfilling relationships. This requires communication, deferred gratification, self knowledge and a whole host of other skills. It is another very good measure of emotional maturity. Good manners is, in my opinion, an offshoot of this.
I have come across people who thing being confronting or rude (they call it "challenging") is good, or a sign of being evolved. Some times - very few times - it is. Most times it is not - all the times I have experienced it, it was simply boorish, intellectually arrogant behaviour (what would be called "being a troll" in internet groups). My karma must have improved quite a bit on this aspect: I haven't been subjected to that for quite some years now. (The fact that I experienced it at all suggests to me that I probably exhibited the same behaviour myself. Or perhaps it was a learning experience ... nah - that latter attitude is too much of a cop out, in my view.)
By "good manners" I do not mean following some of the old fashioned books on etiquette or following particular ideas on social intercourse (such as that you have to converse and discuss intimate details of your or others life - gossip is one of the most damaging forms of social cohesion/bonding that I know of): I mean basic courteously. Things like acknowledging other people's presence, paying attention and having some consideration of, for instance, someone who is using a walking stick and thus appears to have mobility issues, not jumping to conclusions.
Also, emotionally mature people can accept valid criticism/correction without falling to pieces. Attainment of this aspect requires working through Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs until one has good self esteem. Criticism that is malicious may have a useful element of truth in it, but criticism that is wrong is something that should be rejected.
As a final issue, I personally consider emotionally maturity is marked by the presence of empathy (which I touched on when discussing manners).
Now, mental maturity. I'm going to propose that this comprises two parts:
(1) having a basic education so one has an adequate ability to comprehend basic things (like language, numbers, science) without necessarily being an expert in anything in particular (getting to leaving level of high school will pretty much cover this); and
(2) the ability to think independently (i.e., the ability to not be duped by advertising, political "spin", or the "spin" of others such as media or false gurus [I certainly hope you've kept your thinking caps on as you read this!]).
Getting a good basic education is so fundamental to being able to think independently and critically, as well as to stimulating the developing areas of the brain, that I consider it an essential part of achieving maturity. In matters such as attaining human rights for women in developing nations, education of girls is often a fundamental prerequisite.
Good education often covers critical thinking.
Now spiritual maturity. This, incidentally, is not the final version of maturity that I will consider :) It is, however, a development of the previous versions of maturity, and is reliant upon achieving physical, social, emotional and mental maturity.
Spiritual maturity is, to me, defined by:
(i) acceptance of the fact that change is inevitable, and one can best manage that by choosing to grow constructively (towards being all that one can be);
(ii) being able to look beyond the world one has grown up in, and see behind the barriers of social norms, socialisation and expectations placed upon us to what is of lasting, valid importance to the spirit/psyche/soul of oneself and others (I could refer to this as "not being duped by society");
(iii) being able to see the caring behind emotionally confronting behaviour (in a sense, this means not being duped by people who put on a facade of being nice); and
(iv) being able to identify own mistakes and address them without having to be kicked up the backside.
One definition I considered and ultimately rejected for this version of maturity is:
"giving serious, BALANCED consideration to the impact one has on others and the world, but without sacrificing oneself for others (one could say this requires, in essence, a balance between Left Hand Path and Right Hand Path, or the ability to look one's darker aspects in the face and accept, integrate and love those parts of oneself without being consumed by them)"
I think the points I have come up with cover this adequately.
The last point I listed under spiritual maturity leads me to a new topic: what I call "functional maturity". Unlike spiritual maturity, this is not dependent on other maturities, although mental and emotional maturity are probably going to happen first. My definition of this is:
- being able to be given a task and not need excessive supervision or motivation to satisfactorily undertake it.
Young children (not teenagers) need a high level of guidance to complete tasks - it is how they learn. Adults should not need that same level of guidance: they should be able to do some thinking about this task is to be done, and get it under way (with appropriate checks back to the originator of the request).
Finally, I have an aspect I have, for the purposes of this blog, chosen to call "general/overall maturity". My measure of this is experiencing a Saturn Return (at around 28-30yrs), which is when one things one has not attended to adequately in the first part of one's life come back to bite one on the bum. So ... if you've attained a wide range of the types of maturity I've outlined here, but have neglected one, that one is what life will tend to throw up in your face. It's a bit of a "catch all" provision. Unfortunately, it doesn't work as a universal thing, as I know people in their 30s who are still self absorbed gits, and older people who are also failing on some aspect of maturity.
I'm personally working through some issues - maybe as a result of my Uranus return - it's probably a bit like a deferred mid-life crisis ...
Interestingly, according to http://www.innerself.com/Astrology/uranus.htm, 18-21 is the time of the first Uranus event of significance [the Square, significantly affected by Saturn transits], followed by Uranus Trine in mid-20s when people leave their parent's nest, Uranus opposition when people have a mid-life crisis, the 2nd Uranus square at 59-65 [which I'm not quite at yet] and the Uranus return at 82-84: have a look at the link :) ).
So, let me summarise all this.
Physical maturity:
- probably still happens around the completion of puberty, although changes and further development still happen after that.
Social maturity:
- achieved by moving out of one's parent's home and functioning effectively as an independent adult (with a note that the gap between physical and social maturity can be an inherently problematic time).
Emotional maturity:
- ability to defer gratification;
- the ability to form and sustain mutually fulfilling relationships;
- good manners;
- the ability to accept valid criticism/correction without falling to pieces; and
- empathy.
Mental maturity:
- an adequate basic education;
- the ability to think independently (not be duped).
Spiritual maturity:
- acceptance of change and intelligent participation in it by choosing to grow constructively;
- being able to look beyond the world one has grown up in to what is of lasting importance (i.e., "not being duped by society");
- being able to see the caring behind emotionally confronting behaviour (i.e., not being duped by people who put on a facade of being nice); and
- being able to identify own mistakes and address them without having to be kicked up the backside.
Functional maturity:
- the ability to be given a task and not need excessive supervision or motivation to satisfactorily undertake it.
Overall maturity:
- experiencing a Saturn return.
So, in my "system", one must be at least 28years old to be mature. That doesn't worry me: I'm way out the other side, well past the ancient Roman Empire ideal age of 43 years old (thinking about what a Uranus return means, actually :D ), and one achieves maturity at differing times in the various parts of one’s life.
Love, light, hugs and blessings
Gnwmythr
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Tags: personal characteristics, personal responsibility, attitudes, change, maturity, immaturity,
First published: Saturday 20th June, 2009
Last edited: Saturday 20th June, 2009
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