One of the topics on this blog that is important to me is that of real, genuine maturity; another is ritual; I've combined them together for this post, and come up with a suggested SET of rituals for marking coming of age in modern society.
When we were gatherer-hunters, life really was simpler, to the extent that teenagers could provide a real, useful contribution to survival of the tribe: that does not happen now - "teenagers" are often protected by laws against child slavery (which is GOOD), but cannot bring in a useful amount of money to contribute to family survival, although they can do household chores to help. Effectively, they are, as my partner says, apprentice adults - and hence the former, fairly quick and simple one-off ritual has become a process spread over several years, and the conflict of this with our "stone age" (i.e. gatherer-hunter) biology has contributed to increased teenage angst (compared to gatherer-hunter lifestyles). This set of rituals is based on the child entering a somewhat formalised apprenticeship as "apprentice adult", rather than teenager, with as specific goals as possible
(moving out and living successfully on your own is, as I've posted about elsewhere, the ONLY sensible "ultimate" test of your maturity :) - but parents need to think about the life skills they will need to develop, which include emotional and relationship skills, the ability for their child to THINK for themself, and so on). This also moves the parents into the head space of preparing themselves for letting go of the child - after all, as
Kahlil Gibran wrote "Your children are not your children. ... They come through you but ...
they belong not to you ... for their souls dwell in the house of
tomorrow" ...
The draft outline is after my signature block.
[
1] BPF = Balanced Positive (spiritual) Forces. See here and here for more on this.
[2] Please see my post "The Death of Wikipedia" for the reasons I now recommend caution when using Wikipedia.
Love, light, hugs and blessings
Gnwmythr
(pronounced "new-MYTH-ear")
My "blogiography" is here. I started this blog to cover karmic regression-rescue (see here and here), and it grew ...
May the world of commerce and business be recognised to be a servant, not a master, of the lives of people.
A home is for living in, not feeling, becoming or being rich or a “better” class than others.
The International Labour Organisation's definition of "full employment" is wrong, useless and misleading.
Armageddon is alive and well and happening right now: it is a battle
between the indolence of "I only ..." and/or "I just ..." on one side,
and perspicacity on the other.
Like fire to the physical, emotions to the soul make a good servant,
and a bad master. Spiritual love is far more than just an emotion - it
is a concept, thoughts, actions and a way of living.
The only prejudice should be against prejudice.
"Do not pray for easy lives. Pray to be stronger [people]." JOHN F. KENNEDY
One size does NOT fit all ... and don't throw the baby out with the bathwater as a result of knowing a little ...
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good [people] to do nothing. (based on writing by) EDMUND BURKE
Your children are not your children. ... They come through you but ...
they belong not to you ... for their souls dwell in the house of
tomorrow KAHLIL GIBRAN
We didn't inherit the Earth from our ancestors, we only borrowed it from our children ANTOINE DE SAINT-EXUPÉRY
Like an unchecked cancer, hate corrodes the personality and eats away its vital unity. MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
Those whom we cannot stand are usually those who we cannot understand P.K.SHAW
Tags: attitudes, children, family, maturity, personal characteristics, rituals, society,
First published: Sunnudagr, 13th January, 2013
Last edited: Sunday, 13th January, 2013
DRAFT "COMING OF AGE" RITUAL
This ritual has two parts:
-
commencement of apprenticeship, when hit puberty
or start giving serious lip
-
after complete test of life skills (living
successfully on one's own for a year – i.e., being a real adult)
The parent(s)/carer(s)/guardian(s)/agreed
third party may need
guidance on selection of skills to aim to develop, communication strategies,
management of discipline, etc.I also strongly recommend that the parent(s)/carer(s)/guardian(s) plan for their life after being a parent, in order to successfully let go of the former child, and also to move in to the next, non-parent phase of their life. If they make statements to the effect of "one is always a parent", they may not be ready for this ritual, as they may have subconscious traits resisting a suitable state of mind to be objective, nurturing without over-parenting or being excessively protective ("helicopter parenting") and, ultimately, able to let the former child stand on their own two feet as an independent adult. This is an issue that counselling may be needed for, and one should consider checking this set of attributes in the parent(s)/carer(s)/guardian(s) before agreeing to run the ritual.
COMMENCEMENT OF APPRENTICESHIP
(assumes
no more than normal problems - needs to be modified if have been serious issues
to acknowledge and resolve those; may need to appoint - by agreement - a third
party; parent(s)/carer(s)/guardian(s)/agreed third
part may need support to work out
details of expected behaviours, communication strategies, etc.; witnesses to be
satisfied on all this before the ritual commences)
<
if wish ritual circle and invocation of entities/Higher Selves/energies, do so
here; could be a-religious, or possibly incorporated into other religious
ceremonies >
Leader:
We are here to celebrate and mark the passage of _ < name of would-be apprentice >
from childhood to apprentice adult, and all that that entails.
(to
the parent(s)/carer(s)/guardian(s)/agreed third
party ): _ < name(s) of parent(s)/carer(s)/guardian(s)/agreed third party >,
the future has entrusted into your care a soul, that of _ < name
of would-be apprentice >.
You have succeeded thus far in raising _ < name
of would-be apprentice >
through childhood, and we now mark a change of your duties, a change of focus
towards more active preparation of _ < name of
would-be apprentice >
for independent adult life, without reliance upon you.
Do you solemnly accept this vow to foster and develop the capacity of _ < name of would-be apprentice > to be a fully functioning
adult, capable of
- self-reliance, self-sustenance and self-care,
- respectful, honourable and effective interaction with all communities
_ < name of would-be apprentice > is part of,
- respectful, honourable and effective interaction with partners,
- on the basis of the adage "know thyself", capable of
developing and taking fully informed decisions, even if they be at odds with
your values, and
- able to meet all duties and obligations imposed by life, including
those which may come with having dependents and those validly imposed by
society,
all done out of love with no expectation of reward, mindful of the
obligations and duties that society imposes upon you in this, and that _ < name of would-be apprentice > has rights, and to be ready to
let go when _ < name of would-be apprentice > is ready to step out?
(parent(s)/carer(s)/guardian(s)/agreed
third party reply - if declines, stop the ceremony immediately)
(to
the would-be apprentice)
_ < name of would-be apprentice >, at present you _ < insert comments about any household skills > ,
but you are dependent on others instead of supporting yourself, you have not
completed a tax return, and your body and especially your brain has not yet
fully matured. As an adult, you will be expected
- to stand on your own two feet, independent of your parents but able
to support yourself,
- to be able to decide and then direct your life where you wish it
throughout all your days to come,
- to be able to be a constructive member of whatever communities you
find yourself in, including your current family while you are part of it,
- to be able to meet all duties and obligations imposed by life,
including those which may come with having dependents and those validly imposed
by society, and
- to balance rights with commensurate responsibilities.
Do you accept these goals as being yours, to be progressively attained
until you graduate from this apprenticeship by living successfully on your own
for a year?
(would-be
apprentice replies - if declines, stop the ceremony immediately)
(to
the would-be apprentice)
_ < name of would-be apprentice >, _ < name(s)
of parent(s)/carer(s)/guardian(s)/agreed
third party >, out of their love for you, which has been
demonstrated to the satisfaction of those present with adult perspectives, have
agreed to take on the role of guiding you through this apprenticeship, sharing
the benefit of their life experience and skills, until you can stand on your
own two feet as an adult, independent and capable in ALL that that role
entails. Do you accept them in this guiding role, and agree to work with them in
your development, acknowledging that they may have flaws, they DO have other
responsibilities, aspirations and rights as adults themselves, and that their
love is genuine?
(would-be
apprentice replies - if declines/disagrees, stop the ceremony immediately)
(to
all)
Then I call upon all here present, including _ < name
entities/Higher Selves/energies invoked (if any) > , to witness
and celebrate the commencement of this path. Welcome _ < name
of would-be apprentice >
to a new role as apprentice adult, and _ < name(s)
of parent(s)/carer(s)/guardian(s)/agreed
third party > to _ < insert appropriate pronoun > role as guides, teachers
and inspirations to this journey. Long may both sides to this solemn agreement
be blessed.
(cakes
& ale / celebration; devoke entities/Higher Selves/energies before party)
GRADUATION FROM APPRENTICESHIP
(witnesses
need to be satisfied that apprentice has indeed lived on their own for a year
successfully, and is now capable of behaving as an adult)
Acknowledge accomplishment of goals of former apprentice, now adult,
and mark passage of parent(s)/carer(s)/guardian(s)/agreed third party to commencement of healing, and that may
(if is last child in their care) move to preparing for crone/sage.
