Post No. 811 - The search for community

When I was a kid, I learned how to sail, and became involved in the sailing clubs of a couple of places we lived. The experience was novel to me and, with my enthusiasm for history, I became fascinated with the “traditions” of the sea –things like always going to help vessels in distress, and “the romance” of sail (no Internet links as everything seemed to be based around finding a relationship partner  “romantic” cruises and the like).

Now, although the traditions of the sea and romance of the sail do exist, I was a bit naïve about all this:

• there were economic drivers behind many of the situations that put people at risk, economic drivers (e.g., enabling the growth of empires) that I do not see very favourably now;
• there were “less admirable” traditions that I selectively didn’t acknowledge (although my adoptive father pointed me in the direction which led to me finding them out), things such as bullying crews, insurance claims that killed crews, and the appalling working conditions and life expectancy generally of crews from the era I was holding in such esteem – see here, here (and here), here;
• there was also the involvement of marine traffic in slavery, and things like gunboat diplomacy.

(Incidentally, real historical pirates were sadistic and violent  criminals, doing things like rape, torture, murder and locking women and children in a burning church, although they did have some democratic aspects.)

Closer to home, there was the aggressive behaviour of many competitive sailors (usually not the case with the best sailors, I have to say) – a fault I also exhibited at times, to my eternal shame, and which is a small part of the reason I am not rushing to get involved with sailing clubs again. (I avoid yacht clubs because, in my parlance, they’re the province of the upper class / elite, and involve expenditures of money that are, at times, truly obscene [if you don’t have money, most sailing dinghies need crews, so go to a sailing club, learn how to sail, make a commitment, and enjoy :) ]. And I have been treated shabbily by some of those four decades ago although I was welcomed and very well treated by two such clubs in Melbourne when we were training for the Gay Games in Sydney, so things have probably changed.)

There is also endemic discrimination in most of the sailing clubs I’ve been to – even nominally LGBT sailing clubs have discrimination, and the vast majority are white people from the middle and working class. My experience of such discrimination is something I’ve contributed to those trying to stamp that out (e.g., see the AYF’s policy – which has a few key gaps and silences, particularly on the offence of misgendering and the vexed issue of access to changing rooms, but is a start in the right direction), but it has left me with a profound wariness of returning to those environs at any time soon. I also want to write about the discrimination against women and others I’ve come across in sailing clubs in a “how to” book on sailing that I’ve started (and may not finish this lifetime … SIGH). To quite an extent, this problem reflects the problems of society – hence, in the 70s, women were largely expected to run the canteen, whereas now, there is an increasing acceptance of women as active participants in a range of sports, not just sailing – although there is still a way to go …

Elsewhere, I’ve generally been much warier of any sense of connection, belonging or community  – for instance, I never expected – nor received - that from work (I’m there to do a job and get paid), nor – perhaps because of my early experience with “Sunday neochristians” - from many of the religious / psychic / spiritual pathways I’ve been on (and I have been particularly surprised by, for instance, some of the nastiness of western followers of Buddhism, and some of social/human rights backwardness of some Spiritualists), until I came across Wicca. Finally, I though, I had found a place to “belong”.

In terms of some of the people I found there, that was certainly true, but I’ve subsequently discovered that there are some inherent problems in Wicca with respect to LGBT people (because Wicca is, when all is said and done, a fertility religion, and that has been broadly interpreted with a heteronormative bias), and I wound up identifying as a Pagan – a step taken knowing the tensions, splits and altercations in those communities. (Incidentally, I’ve never considered following Asatru or becoming Heathen because of the minorities there who are racist – and are opposed [see here, and here, for instance. This site is also a good source of objective information.)

So … from a generic point of view, what I’ve written about so far suggests that groups one can apply to join or have events one can go along to are rarely perfect (that includes my experience of nudists and polyamory groups – for instance, I’ve come across blatant transphobia in both). That just means you have to decide whether membership involves any unacceptable conflicts with your principles, and, if it does, either leave or, if it is for the Greatest Good, possibly consider advocating for change.

What about other groups – ones you don’t formally apply to join.

Well, most people would probably consider family to be a “good” example of such a group. I, on the other hand, am aware of the problems – sometimes quite profound – that can exist in families: control, abuse, domestic violence – including abuse by children, and so on. Many families are either good or no worse than neutral, but the simple truth is that families as a generic group cannot be relied on to be a nurturing community for everyone.

In my opinion, the best source of community comes from those people I term “my family of choice”: friends.

Of course, I have expectations around such friendships built predominantly on acceptance, compassion and liking –the sort of so-called friendship where people think they can be interventionist – particularly over what are essentially differences of opinion – do not, in my view, count as a friendship.

 

[1] BPM = Balanced Positive (spiritually) Mature. See here and here for more on this.
[2] Please see here, here, here and my post "The Death of Wikipedia" for the reasons I now recommend caution when using Wikipedia. I'm also exploring use of h2g2, although that doesn't appear to be as extensive (h2g2 is intended - rather engagingly - to be the Earth edition of "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy").

[3] I apologise for the formatting: it seems Blogger is no longer as WYSIWYG as it used to be, and there are a lot of unwanted changes to layout made upon publishing, so I often have to edit it immediately after publishing to get the format as close to what I want as possible.

Love, light, hugs and blessings

Gnwmythr, Pagan Energy Worker, Wéofodthegn

(pronounced "new-MYTH-ear"; ... aka Bellatrix Lux … aka Morinehtar … would-be drýicgan or maga ... )

My "blogiography" (list of all posts and guide as to how to best use this site) is here, and my glossary/index is here.

I started this blog to cover karmic regression-rescue (see here and here), and it grew ... See here for my group mind project, here and here for my "Pagans for Peace" project (and join me for a few minutes at some time between 8 and 11 PM on Sunday, wherever you are, to meditate-clear for peace), and here for my bindrune kit-bag. I also strongly recommend learning how to flame, ground and shield, do alternate nostril breathing, work with colour, and see also here and be flexible.

The real dividing line is not between Christianity and Islam, Sunni and Shia, East and West. It is between people who believe in coexistence, and those who don’t.

Tom Fletcher, Former UK Ambassador to Lebanon

• If your “gut” (your instinct/intuition) is telling you something is wrong, but logic and the available evidence is saying otherwise, the proper conclusion to draw is that you need better, more personally credible evidence. Your “gut” could be wrong, right, or missing the nuances / “shades of grey” . So could the available evidence.
• All of the above - and this blog - could be wrong, or subject to context, perspective, or state of spiritual evolution ...

Tags: about me, connectedness, discrimination, family, friends, history, sexism, society, well being,

First published: Manadagr, 11^th January, 2016

Last edited (excluding fixing typo's and other minor matters): Monday, 11^th January, 2016