With the deaths of people who were close to me before the 80s (e.g. the wife of someone I crewed for when young, who was like a "mum-away-from-home" when we travelled, or another woman who was like a "universal mother" to most of us kids in the sailing club), I went through the commonplace feelings of loss and the process of grieving. By the time my (adoptive) Mother passed, a few years ago, however, I had considerably developed my ability to interact with the dying process, and with those who were earthbound or in the process of passing over - partly through my interest in the writings of Lobsang Rampa [2], partly through my general "New Age" study, reading and activities, but largely through the study and practical work I did at ASPECTS [3] .
As my Mother was dying in a hospice (the staff there were brilliant, by the way), unlike the rest of my family I could see and acknowledge those drawing round Mum, such as her father (who we called Pop). After she had passed (ironically, after waiting by her side for days, this happened while I was away for a couple of hours), when I looked at her body I saw but an empty shell. I knew she could be in contact if she wished (someone else I knew and was close to passed in the early 90s, and she would drop in from time to time - or do things like ask me to check on her daughter [which I eventually stopped doing as the daughter and I grew apart] or her husband).
I now find it impossible to grieve the way other people do - the wailing (physical or metaphorical), the lamentations, and so forth. I KNOW that I can still be in touch with someone I am close to - provided they wish to stay in contact, of course. People change in response to major life events, and one of those changes is the mini-enlightenment which comes after passing and going through the post-death debriefing (seeing the Akashic Record of one's life, and so forth - see Rampa's "Three Lives" for descriptions of this): part of those changes may be realising that the relationships formed during the past life were temporary, and that one has more important relationships/tasks ... or they may simply not like what they see of the living's true character :)
Of course, at the time of my mother's passing I felt I had to more or less "make a show" of being as upset as expected to be - and I willingly did so, as I knew it would help my family members. That is not to say I didn't have any grief -I would miss the physical hugs etc [4], but the depth of my grief was moderated by my experience.
I am currently doing what could be considered a form of "sitting Shiva" with my partner (although it could equally be considered being supportive), whose mother passed away just after we had been away on a trip (hence the gap in posts) - it is, obviously, not a complete adherence to this tradition, but it does bring to mind some of the differing cultural attitudes to death (which my partner and I have talked about).
For instance, the Tibetan "Book of the Dead" [5], sometimes called the "Bardo Thodol", is largely based on guiding the spirit of the dead person through the Bardo until they are safely in a womb - which is part of the Buddhist concept of rebirth, as opposed to the concept of reincarnation, where one generally has a certain amount of time in the astral between incarnations and a more personal stream of consciousness passes to the next life [6]. In this book, what I have re-read so far suggests that the perceptions may be somewhat culturally derived: I don't think a Westerner would experience the same visions etc, so reading the Bardo Thodol would probably be of limited value to a Westerner who had just died. Tibetan traditions include, if one can afford it, having a lama (or some less expensive person!) read the Bardo Thodol over a period of several days, to guide the soul safely through to their next rebirth. Being captured by demons is one of the concerns relating to this time, which has a few parallels to the concept of being earthbound (although being earthbound does not come with the Tibetan tradition of being able to bribe the demon or buy the soul's freedom ... ).
It is interesting to compare the emphasis on personal effort in the Bardo Thodol with the possibly greater role of rituals, spells and deities in the "Egyptian Book of the Dead" (unfortunately, my copy of that is still in storage, so I can't comment too much here). My recollection is that the Egyptians didn't believe in reincarnation (hence the effort to make sure that those in the Afterlife were going to be happy - and, in the case of the Pharoahs, to make the necessary approaches to Deities to keep things good back on Earth ...).
It is also interesting to compare and contrast the two "Books of the Dead", Rampa's writings, Alexandra David-Neel's writings, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross' books on grief [7], and my own experiences.
Love, light, hugs and blessings
Gnwmythr
(pronounced "new-MYTH-ear")
Notes:
- See also here.
- I am actually getting quite a bit from the Yahoogoup "The Rampa Path" at the moment - not that I agree with every post, or would seek to be buddies in real life with some of the people, but the discussion is largely focused on Rampa's writings, and some good comments are made.
- Study and practical work I thought quite hard at the time,but it is interesting to compare that with the treatment meted out to disciples by Tibetan gurus - see, for instance, Alexandra David-Neel's book "Magic & Mystery in Tibet" (my copy was published by Souvenir Press, ISBN 9 78025 637924).
- The grief for someone who is physically intimate, such as a lover, would be more intense because of the loss of physical sensations - which cannot be made up for unless you can astral travel consciously, in which case you can choose to experience astral sex and astral hugs.
"Grief" can take some less conventional avenues as well: I used to know some women who were taking legal action against a relative who had abused them. Their alleged abuser died before the matter could come to court, and as a result they were left without resolution in the physical world. I'm aware that there would be a resolution in the astral, but the lack of such in this physical world means everyone will eventually arrive in a far more damaged state ...
- My version is the Evens-Wentz version (Oxford University Press, ISBN 0-19-500223-7 - I am looking forward to reading the psychological commentary by Jung), which credits the translation to Lama Dawa-Samdup, who may be the same person mentioned by David-Neel (who was, accoding to David-Neel, extremely hard on his disciples).
- Interesting to read of the Norse having a reference to reincarnation - see here.
- One of the big shortcomings in what has been written by most people I have read is that it focuses on the personal, whereas my experience is that the dynamics of families and groups is a MAJOR part of the death experience - for both the living and the dead.
This post's photo is yet to be posted.
Tags: death, earthbound, rescue, family, about me, abuse, ASPECTS, Lobsang Rampa, David-Neel, Tibet, Egypt, group dynamics,
First published: Manadagr, 11th April, 2011
Last edited: Monday, 11th April, 2011
