Post No. 223 - Manipulation

The day after I started this post, I had been to a nearby bank (one of the few which is open on a Saturday morning), and, as I left, I noticed a car park illegally in a bus zone while a young woman hopped out - I thought, to use the ATM. But no, after I walked all the way to my car, and driven back to that corner (which was on my way), the car was still there, being tooted at by cars who wanted to use the left turn lane (which the bus stop was in), and no sight of the young woman, who evidently had gone into the bank.

Now, as it happens, one the things I wanted to make as a bit of a digression at the start of this post was that I have nothing but contempt for the "I'm young and pretty so you'll bend the rules for me" sort of manipulation I see a few young women (and men) try to use. Neither has, in my opinion, a clue as to what the essence of being their gender is, and yet will try to abuse their sexual attractiveness (or self perceived sexual attraction) to bend the world to favour them over others.

Parking restrictions are there so everyone has a chance to access the shops, banks, etc. Unless you have less ability with respect to mobility (which this young woman did not have), you should be doing the same as everyone else, finding a legal car park and WALKING to the shop/bank/etc.

That young woman was an example of the type of manipulation I wish to write about in this post.

The main point I wanted to cover was someone I knew in the long distant past who had problems - severe problems including anorexia, for quite valid reasons (sexual abuse when she was a child - which is, in my opinion, an under-reported problem, and one made profoundly worse by adults who do not believe the victim, which is a factor that has severely exacerbated several such cases that I know of). So ... this person had problems, for good reason.

However, she, in my opinion, at the time I knew her, was tending towards holding on to the problems. There was a pay-of for her, in that she got more attention as a result. The problem was that, at essence, she wanted someone else to take her pain and her past away.

Sadly, that cannot be done. Apart from situations where wrong has been done to us, there are situations where we have done wrong: neither can be taken away. All we can do is what we can to right the wrongs we have done, ensure those who have done wrong to us learn (constructively - vigilantes don't count!) not to do so and - with help as may be needed - heal ourselves.

This person had the help, including professional help and the love and support of her family (of which I was a part, at that time), but she refused to get better.

There comes a time in our (chronological) maturing where we have to stop relying on our parents and start being independent adults. There are other such moments in life, including the time when stop relying on Deity/"the Universe"/our Guides/etc to "make things right for us", and start to share the load - to carry our fair SHARE of the load.

This does not mean we have to heal ourselves on our own, or do everything without help: it does, though, mean we need to be balanced and objective about when we are receiving help, and when we are bludging or trying to manipulate the Universe.

I posted about this some time ago. As I wrote then:

Going back to "letting things get at you", I sometimes feel that people hold on to hurt to more or less try to blackmail the universe/Deity into showing some sympathy. "Hey universe/Deity, see how much this has hurt me? If you loved me, you wouldn't let this happen - or at least you'd come and give me a massage/tattslotto win/slab/ to make up for it!" Sounds trite, but it is easy to do, and I still find I do that at times. Maybe that is partly because it is easy to mistake sympathy for caring? (Mind you, I don't believe in this "hard love" rubbish: if the interaction between someone who allegedly cares and the recipient of that "care" is ineffective because it is presented in a way that the recipient cannot relate to, then it isn't caring. Did I word that carefully enough to include honest, constructive criticism? Maybe just read my post at http://gnwmythr.blogspot.com/2007/10/tough-love.html.)

Trying to manipulate the Universe, whether it is by playing on being "pretty", ignoring a law for others' fair opportunity because it is slightly personally inconvenient, or holding on to pain, is a sign of something needing attention. Whether that is a genuine pain, emotional/chronological immaturity, or an inflated ego, I hope the person who has the problem deals with it - for their sake, and for the sake of everyone else around them they are harming.

Love, light, hugs and blessings

Gnwmythr

This post's photo is yet to be posted.

Tags: attitudes, personal responsibility, personal characteristics, laziness, needs,

First published: Wodansdagr, 2nd February, 2011

Last edited: Wednesday, 2nd February, 2011

Post No. 132 - Ethics

In today's online edition of "The Age" was a story about a car accident where a four year old boy was injured. The article points out that children under seven can sit in the front seat of cars if all available back seats are occupied by children under seven, but it SEEMS that, in such circumstances, all the children must still be wearing approved booster seats/child restraints. Furthermore, the article states that police are not prepared to speculate about the accident as they are still investigating.

I read this story just a few minutes after reflecting on some letter writing I did when Melbourne's Crown Casino was being contemplated. One of my concerns at that time was the one sidedness of the legislation being proposed: a person could potentially lose everything they had, or enough to find themselves in financial trouble, but the Casino could tell people to leave if they were winning too much money!

That is one-sided, and unfair. The Casino has, in my opinion, a far greater financial capacity to withstand losses than the vast majority of individuals who go there, and this one-sidedness was morally repugnant.

At the time, the replies I had were to the effect that the jobs of people working at the Casino were more important than the potential for people to put their families out on the street. I consider that subsequent work to address problem gambling has verified that I was right to raise the concerns, and it was a shame that I and others weren't listened to.

I've become a lot more hard-line on these sorts of issues now, particularly with more recent concerns about jobs that are damagibng the environment. So, now, I would probably respond to the issue about jobs along the lines of those people need to find work that is ethical.

You've probably noticed that I'm not a fan of gambling? Small flutters can be entertaining for many people - in fact, I've put a few dollars through pokies myself.

I've also had an ex- put her whole pay cheque through the pokies before she had even got home ... and someone else I knew lost her home from a gambling addiction.

And then there is ethical behaviour around looking after children. I fully support the recent Victorian Government's legislation on child restraints [1] and better health environments for children in cars (i.e. no smoking), and, sad to say, I've often found it is simple laziness that leads many people to not consider getting appropriate booster seats or restriants. Less commonly, financial issues may be issues, and that is most likely a problem for larger families.

Now, if someone has multiple births through natural conception, that is one matter; choosing deliberately to have more than two children is environmentally questionable in my view, and, if it also includes a failure to plan for things like an appropriate car/child seats etc, then it becomes, in my opniion, morally reprehensible.

I have no idea whether the children in the car mentioned in today's article were the woman's or others that she had agreed (or been coperced into agreeing) to transport, or whether the seats were appropriate, but it certainly brought to mind a few thoughts on ethics based on people I used to know.

Love, light, hugs and blessings

Gnwmythr

Notes:

1. See here, here, here, here, here, here and here.

This post's photo is yet to be posted.

Tags: ethics, family, personal responsibility, laziness, finances,

First published: Friday 16th July, 2010

Last edited: Friday 16th July, 2010