Well, I trust it is fairly obvious that "inappropriate reactions" in general can occur: as an example, consider a person who is accidentally brushed against by a stranger and, in response, kills the person, their family and everyone connected to the person for three generations. Sounds extreme, doesn't it? Well, fights and serious in jury have happened because of such genuinely accidental contact (usually because the aggressor is actually looking for a fight - which was a near miss for me when I was in my 20s, in the city [in daylight], and someone made a remark along the lines of "what are you looking at" [I feigned deafness, BTW - I like the advice in the TV series Kung Fu on how to handle such threats: "run away" ... :) ])
How about killing or harming someone who expressing a sexual or romantic interest? This sort of reaction ranges from the grossly misnamed "honour killings" in some countries through to the equally dishonourable "panic defence" for killing a gay person - and, as I start writing this, Malawi has just commited the evil act of jailing a gay couple for being who they are.
Inappropriate reactions can and do occur, in a wide range of situations, including those associated with personal (love and/or sexual) relationships. On those, I recently came across the saying that we give people permission to treat us by acquiesing to that treatment [1]: I like that saying, and will spend some time thinking on it.
However, what I want to cover is inappropriate reactions to the "agape" type of love - the "universal goodwill" type of love.
It is a too common problem in some spiritual/personal development classes for participants to consider they are in love with the leader/teacher of that group. In fact, warnings to be wary of this type of situation were mentioned in my Wiccan priestess training recently, which is a course that has been round for a few decades, and the issue made some local media attention here (in Melbourne) back in the 80s. In fact, an acquaintance of mine at the time (I had thought him a friend until I transitioned) who was a journalist asked me about it: he thought the leaders of New Age groups were all runing such groups simply to try and score. I said that wasn't so, but I have to admit that it seems to be a little too prominenet in the modus operandi of some "Wiccan" groups ... to make my position on that clear: being coerced to take part in what is effectively nonconsensual sex is WRONG. Furthermore, you do NOT need to have sex to be initiated into Wicca, and if you're feeling unsafe or uncomfortable in any group, go and find another group!
Now, I've got a little distracted there: let's get back to the point :)
Someone I had the misfortune of working for in the past once took the attitude that, if an incident of discrimination of verbal abuse had happened, but the victim was not upset by it (i.e. the victim "rose above it"), there was no need for any action to be taken.
His whole attitude was a bit along the lines of "it's just a joke - what are you upset for?", an attitude far too common amongst a certain type of Australian. Well, as a matter of principle (ethical, moral, legal AND spiritual), if behaviour is wrong, indulgin in that sort of behaviour needs to result in the appropriate consequences. That is what happens when teaching children, trainign animals, experiencing karma, and in the way we train people to treat us.
Similarly, we one is expressing a universal type of love in some way, one needs to be careful and assess the resultant response, and, if necessary, modify one's behaviour. Let's say you were ... oh, maybe helping a friend who didn;'t have a car temporarily by giving them a lift. If that continues on and on, and the "friend" starts talking about sharing maintenance costs and behaving somewhat disturbingly as if they had an automatic right to access and use your property, then it is time to gently, firmly and directly tell your "friend" that they have started taking advantage of you, and it is time, for their own sake as a mature adult, that they took responsibility for their own situation and, therefore, they can darn well walk to work tomorrow or get PT (public transport).
More generally, if you are helping someone, be careful to pay attention to make sure they don't show signs of mistaking your motivation, being dependent or just becoming a using bludger. By all means help - there is, in general nowhere near enough help given out in this world, but do so responsibly. [2]
Please consider :)
Love, light, hugs and blessings
Gnwmythr
Notes:
- I understand that this may have originally been said by someone such as Kelly Bryson.
- As another example of this, consider the isue of feeding birds. If that leads to them becoming dependent on humans and not migrating as a result, the feeding has become inappropriate ...
This post's photo is yet to be posted.
Tags: love, personal responsibility, perceptions,
First published: Wodansdagr, 2nd February, 2011
Last edited: Wednesday, 2nd February, 2011
