***
There’s a phrase which sums up a lot of the
problem behaviour I’ve experienced from others: flummoxed by the unfamiliar, or
FBU for short.
When people have found, for instance, a set
of values, a religion, or a worldview that is different to theirs, rather than
saying “Oh that’s interesting”, or “that’s different to mine”, and then looking
at the matter, they react blindly, bitterly and with vitriol - more along the
lines of “how dare you differ”, or “your difference threatens and undermines
me, my existence and the fabric of my reality”.
Especially if its about supporting a
different footy team.
(Just kidding, on that last one, in case
anyone needs it pointed out.)
People who get set on what is comfortable
for them - especially preconceived notions about sexuality, gender, religion,
how to achieve something, notions that families (or companies) are
always good and one should give them unquestioning loyalty, etc - find anything
that is different to the concept that they have enshrined in their heart (it
is an emotional reaction - thinking has nothing to do with it)
a threat to their personal reality: when that happens, how they react is like
any stress situation - fight, flight, or network and nurture.
- Fight - an angry, unthinking, emotional attack on the source of their discomfort. If they are particularly disconnected from their emotions they may make accusations of the person they blame for their discomfort being emotional or irrational - so yes, this reaction plagues a lot of reactions in patriarchal professions (like engineering) and societies (which is many cultures in this world);
- Flight - denial, and attempts to warn other from having anything to do with the view they find uncomfortable. The small or weak minded often want others to support or reinforce their views - which is why organisations (cults, religions, particular political/economic ways of thinking, etc) with group minds (also called egregores) aren’t only fed by the egregore, which leads us to . . .
- Network - where the discomforted person seeks to build a group or network (such as old boys clubs, private schools, irrelevant admission criteria in any organisation, groups against LGBTIQ+ people [or some thereof], etc) against the idea they find discomforting; and
- Nurture - where the discomforted person seeks solace from others who also cling to the idea that is threatened (such as friends, families [especially if the family has a powerful group mind [“egregore”], priests of that religion, etc).
Now, the thing about this, is that
sometimes the concept that is threatening is genuinely bad - for example,
someone may advocate for pederasty, violence or violent overthrow, militarism,
neoliberalism, etc.
In those cases, being FBU is actually a
good thing, as can be the types of reactions I outlined above.
