Showing posts with label embarrassment. Show all posts
Showing posts with label embarrassment. Show all posts

Wednesday, 4 September 2024

Post No. 2,870 - An attitude problem ...

One of the problems I have encountered fairly frequently is the character flaw of some individuals having the attitude that if they couldn’t personally do something, then no-one else could.

As a relatively mild example, those people who are sceptical of others being able to solve a Rubik’s cube in just a few seconds. 

Other examples come from the world of morals, where people assume that if they personally would find something difficult to do, others would also find it difficult - or even impossible. 

An example of that is not drinking alcohol. I have encountered many people in work situations who don’t realise the rely on alcohol to cope with life, and they either cannot conceive of others having different coping mechanisms, or they feel embarrassment/guilt/shame at the possibility that they personally could have chosen another coping mechanism/strategy.

There are also clearly nasty examples of this from the evil world of gossip, but I’ve no desire to the delve into that cesspit.

What I do want to consider are those cisgender people who have the view that, because they personally did not think of gender identity issues as children, no-one else could possibly either think of, or have, gender identity differences. 

That attitude has a number of major flaws. 

 

The first I’ll mention is the obvious one: cisgender people are, by definition, comfortable with their assigned sex & gender role. That means they have no trigger to cause that thought - if they did have a suitable trigger (e.g., someone close to them being trans), they may very well have undergone the same sort of analysis at a young age as trans kids. 

 

Next, denial of a problem is a form of enforcing discrimination. 

The clearest example of that is racism, where people claim that, because they are not personally aware of (even if it happened right under their noses) something that they perceive/conceive of as racism, the problem doesn’t exist. This problem is particularly pernicious and endemic in many workplaces, in my experience, and is why anti-racism (especially the conscious raising that goes with that) is so essential. 

The amathiac, irresponsible, and racism enabling-facilitating approach of so-called “racial  colourblindness” is another example of denialism that is equally as pernicious, although a little less widespread.

Denial of the climate crisis and the continuing problem of COVID denialism (one of the tradies who came to our home was an example - an amathiac, irresponsible and thoroughly unpleasant ciswoman who put the wellbeing and lives of three vulnerable people at risk) are other examples of the problem of denialism, although for a more complex set of character flaws.

Going back to the point of this post, those people who deny that young children could have an awareness on this issues that they personally did not are actively being transphobic and promoting/enforcing transphobia - and in a version that threatens the lives of trans children (which is a problem that has been actively suppressed - see https://www.erininthemorning.com/p/trans-youth-suicides-covered-up-by [which links to a thread on X] and https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/attempt-cover-up-explosion-trans-youth-suicides-nhs-waiting-wareham-tskbc/).


This might be an appropriate place to insert the problem of ignorance - and in western nations, claiming ignorance in this day and age is, in my opinion, very difficult to do with any credibility. 

Gender identity issues have been investigated scientifically for around a century, modern medical/surgical interventions have been used since the 1960s, laws against discrimination have been in place in some places since the 1980s at least, and there have been movies, books, campaigns, public debates, and. more recently, brutally savage and nasty backlashes that have likely killed trans and gender diverse people. 

The ignorance may be real, but it is as equally unforgivable as those who claim ignorance about the climate crisis. 

 

The next character flaw I wish to examine is that of guilt/shame (the words have different “official” meanings, but the unofficial “everyday” meanings may differ, which is why I have chosen to link to both words). 

Some people may realise that there is a problem, but rather than admit that and do something constructive, for the sake of their personal comfort - and especially the avoidance of having to acknowledge and work with guilt/shame - they choose to deny that the awareness of gender identity could exist, nor that some children could have had to deal with gender identity differences. 

This problem also falls into the categories of spiritual bypassing and the shadow self.


And finally we come to the flaw that was the reason I wrote this post: 

a perceived threat to social status

In this case, there are a few possibilities. 

The denialist is operating out of a fear that they may not be viewed as progressive / inclusive / “good” if such a problem exists, and they had failed to take action. 

More likely, though, is that they see acceptance of gender identity, especially childhood awareness of gender identity, as a threat to their flawed, lacking in spirituality personal sense of identity, or the flawed and founded in falseness worldview that they used to plan their life, or the social status they considered they “should” have as part of their personal sense of identity and/or worldview. 

And something I have found is that being considered a threat to social status is probably the worst thing you can be ... 

After all, people like Trump have started civil wars over the threat to their social status ... 

  • “Is the US Headed Towards Another Civil War? | Barbara F. Walter | TED”   https://youtu.be/Yilgr2SJ3xQ?si=S3xHqLNj7koZvAeE    The two major risk factors identified by the work described in this TED (not TEDx) talk were (1) whether the nation was a partial democracy, and (2) whether political parties in that nation are being formed around identity rather than ideology - both of which apply to the USA, and the model would have been predicted high risk of civil war in the USA in December, 2020. Also, civil wars are started by those at risk of losing social status ...   I was dubious about the claimed change of ethnicity until I looked up https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Demographics_of_the_United_States&oldid=1194963938   The commentary on what to do about these problems is interesting, and I am going to spend some time thinking about that - although I already agree with the need to address those who have been left behind, which was the working class in the USA, according to the speaker, and also the same here in Australia, based on my life experience - although some of that has a US bias. The comments about social  media are significant   



If you appreciated this post, please consider promoting it - there are some links below, and there’s also Instagram. 

Note that I am cutting back on aspects of my posts - see here. 

(Gnwmythr is pronounced new-MYTH-ear)  

Remember: we generally need to be more human being rather than human doing, to mind our Mӕgan, and to acknowledge that all misgendering is an act of active transphobia/transmisia that puts trans+ lives at risk & accept that all insistence on the use of “trans” as a descriptor comes with commensurate use of “cis” as a descriptor to prevent “othering” (just as binary gendered [men’s and women’s] sporting teams are either both given the gender descriptor, or neither).

Copyright © Kayleen White 2007-2024     NO AI   I do not consent to any machine learning aka Artificial Intelligence (AI), generative AI, large language model, machine learning, chatbot, or other automated analysis, generative process, or replication program to reproduce, mimic, remix, summarise, or otherwise  replicate any part of this post or other posts on this blog via any means. Typo’s may be inserrted deliberately to demonstrate this is not an AI product.     Otherwise, fair and reasonable use is accepted under Creative Commons 4.0 on an Attribution-ShareAlike basis https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/  




 

Saturday, 21 March 2015

Post No. 676 - Proxy Embarassment

I and a group of others recently had a problem with a taxi, which came about in small part because a young woman was concerned that a bag of sanitary pads I had in my handbag came out when I took out my purse to pay the taxi driver (neither the pads nor the payment were the problem - I’ll cover that in a separate post).

This young woman was embarrassed that sanitary pads were visible - or, perhaps more accurately, that they were visible in public. I was not embarrassed, and, furthermore, I do not consider anyone should be embarrassed by sanitary products or periods. In fact, if anyone  - especially a male - is embarrassed or uncomfortable, they should, frankly, grow the hell up. periods are a normal part of life for most women (not all - some are too young, too old, or don’t have periods - or perhaps have infrequent periods).

The incident led me, however, to start thinking about the problem of someone else being embarrassed when I - or someone central to events - is not. It does exist fairly broadly - I can recall kids being embarrassed by parents, for instance (and a few comedic skits featuring “you’re embaa-aarrassing me, Mum”). Other examples include:
  • women being “embarrassed” by other women’s bra strap or clothing stickers showing, or by the other woman’s style or perceived lack thereof;
  • men being “embarrassed” by other males not being stereotypically macho (I came across that a fair bit in country Queensland in the 70s);
  • work colleagues saying they considered something to be (professionally) embarrassing, or a “kick-in-the-guts” (delivered in a tone of voice that made it clear they were feeling superior, now that their insecurity had had a salve);
  •  … and a trans person finding a cross dresser embarrassing, or cisgendered people finding trans people embarrassing;
  • etc, etc, etc.

I’ve invented a new term for this: proxy embarrassment.

The examples I gave make it clear - well, to me, at any rate :) - that proxy embarrassment is, in essence, both a form of control (it is trying to pressure someone else is to complying with the embarrassed person’s opinions about how things should be), and an internal barrier to truth, honesty and perspicacity (as the embarrassed person is not looking at why they are having that reaction - it is a bit like the old political axiom that nothing distracts the voters from internal problems - such as economic woes - like a war).

Of course, there are some situations where this form of embarrassment may be justified - for instance, some clothing attire is not appropriate to some situations, and professional errors are, to say the least embarrassing.

Nevertheless, I have added a new quotation to my signature block:
Proxy embarrassment is both a form of control, and an internal barrier to truth, honesty and perspicacity.
In most situations, particularly social situations, proxy embarrassment is not justifiable.

I have also decided to add the following quotation:
Life is not a struggle for status.
That is not “life is not meant to be a struggle for status”, as every good, decent and (in the legal sense) reasonable person (i.e., every BPLF [aka “spiritual”] person) knows, when they think about what is important to them, that none of the forms of status - social, prestige / honour, political, etc - counts amongst those important things.

I have also added these quotations recently:
I mourn the desecration of the term 'Light Worker' by commercial interests, and the warping of the word 'Light' away from 'Clear Light' by the "(Fluffy) White Lighters".

Presuming that everyone has, or wants, a smartphone is
discriminatory, unspiritual, and downright stupid.

Obsessive love may be a cover up of guilt.
Some of these are because I am becoming a cranky old git :) … but they all have a point that is worth thinking about - at least once, at any rate :)
 

[1] BPLF = Balanced Positive (spiritual) Light Forces. See here and here for more on this.

[2] Please see here, here and my post "The Death of Wikipedia" for the reasons I now recommend caution when using Wikipedia. I'm also exploring use of h2g2, although that doesn't appear to be as extensive (h2g2 is intended - rather engagingly - to be the Earth edition of "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy").

[3] I apologise for the formatting: it seems Blogger is no longer as WYSIWYG as it used to be.

Love, light, hugs and blessings
Gnwmythr, Wéofodthegn
(pronounced "new-MYTH-ear"; ... aka Bellatrix Lux … aka Morinehtar … would-be drýicgan or maga ... )

My "blogiography" (list of all posts and guide as to how to best use this site) is here, and my glossary/index is here.

I started this blog to cover karmic regression-rescue (see here and here), and it grew ... See here for my group mind project, here and here for my "Pagans for Peace" project (and join me for a few minutes at some time between 8 and 11 PM on Sunday, wherever you are, to meditate-clear for peace), and here for my bindrune kit-bag. I also strongly recommend learning how to flame, ground and shield, do alternate nostril breathing, work with colour, and see also here and be flexible.

I am a Walker upon the Path of Balanced Positivity, seeking Spiritual Maturity.
  • neither eloquence nor inarticulateness inherently indicates correctness, but, as words can kill, the right to freedom of speech comes with a DUTY to be as well-informed, objective and balanced as you can be.
  • Gnwmythr's Stropping Strap: Occam's Razor only works if  the simplest solution is actually recognised as being the simplest, rather than the one that best fits one's bigotries being labelled 'simplest'.
  • I mourn the desecration of the term 'Light Worker' by commercial interests, and the warping of the word 'Light' away from 'Clear Light' by the "(Fluffy) White Lighters".
  • Presuming that everyone has, or wants, a smartphone is discriminatory, unspiritual, and downright stupid.
  • Obsessive love may be a cover up of guilt.
  • Proxy embarrassment is both a form of control, and an internal barrier to truth, honesty and perspicacity.
  • Our entire life experience, with all the many wondrous and varied people, places and events in it, is too small a sample for statistical reliability about Life.
  • May the world of commerce and business be recognised to be a servant, not a master, of the lives of people.
  • Life is not a struggle for status.
  • Being accustomed to interacting via certain rules makes those rules neither right nor universal.
  • Like fire to the physical, emotions to the soul make a good servant, and a bad master.
  • The means shape the end.
  • My favourite action movie of all time is "Gandhi", although I've recently come across "Invictus" and might put that one in to that category. However, I loathe the stereotypical action movie - and, for similar reasons, I loathe many dramas, which are often emotionally violent, more so in some cases than many war films.
  • All of the above - and this blog - could be wrong, or subject to context, perspective, or state of spiritual evolution ...


Human dignity is the inherently cumulative holistic combination of human rights, wellbeing and potential, and all actions or interaction which promote, realise or facilitate same. The converse also applies: whatever degrades, diminishes or robs humans of dignity, is inherently undignified.
Gnwmythr

The “purpose” of spiritual evolution is not the attainment of “spiritual perfection” - not in the sense of not having to evolve further, at any rate, since there is no such thing. We need to evolve in order to grow - but we can take rest breaks (hopefully well earned :) ) along the way. No, the “purpose” of evolution is, rather, to perfect our ability to learn, and thus grow.
Gnwmythr

Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.
Martin Luther King, Jr.

Females, get over 'cute'. Get competent. Get trained. Get capable. Get over 'cute'. And those of you who are called Patty and Debby and Suzy, get over that. Because we use those names to infantalise females – we keep females in their 'little girl' state by the names we use for them. Get over it. If you want to be taken seriously, get serious.
Jane Elliott

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good [people] to do nothing.
(based on writing by) Edmund Burke

We didn't inherit the Earth from our ancestors, we only borrowed it from our children
Antoine De Saint-Exupéry

There are risks and costs to a program of action. But they are far less than the long-range risks and costs of comfortable inaction.
John F. Kennedy

Tags: attitudes, embarrassment, emotions, honesty, perspective, perspicacity, proxy embarrassment, self awareness, truth,
First published: Laugardagr, 21st March, 2015
Last edited (excluding fixing typo's and other minor matters): Saturday, 21st March, 2015