I and a group of others recently had a problem with a taxi, which came
about in small part because a young woman was concerned that a bag of sanitary pads
I had in my handbag came out when I took out my purse to pay the taxi driver
(neither the pads nor the payment were the
problem - I’ll cover that in a separate post).
This young woman was embarrassed that sanitary pads were visible - or,
perhaps more accurately, that they were visible in public. I was
not
embarrassed, and, furthermore, I do
not consider anyone should be
embarrassed by sanitary products or periods. In fact, if anyone
- especially a male -
is embarrassed or uncomfortable, they should, frankly, grow the
hell up. periods are a normal part of life for most women
(not all - some are too young, too old, or don’t have periods - or
perhaps have infrequent periods).
The incident led me, however, to start thinking about the problem of
someone else being embarrassed when I - or someone central to events - is not.
It does exist fairly broadly - I can recall kids being embarrassed by parents,
for instance (and a few comedic skits
featuring “you’re embaa-aarrassing me, Mum”). Other examples include:
- women being “embarrassed” by
other women’s bra strap or clothing stickers showing, or by the other woman’s
style or perceived lack thereof;
- men being “embarrassed” by
other males not being stereotypically macho
(I came across that a fair bit in country Queensland in the 70s);
- work colleagues saying they
considered something to be (professionally) embarrassing, or a “kick-in-the-guts” (delivered in a tone of voice that made it
clear they were feeling superior, now that their insecurity had had a salve);
- … and a trans person finding a cross dresser embarrassing, or cisgendered
people finding trans people embarrassing;
- etc, etc, etc.
I’ve invented a new term for this: proxy embarrassment.
The examples I gave make it clear - well, to me, at any rate :) - that
proxy embarrassment is, in essence, both a form of control (it is trying to pressure someone else is to complying with the
embarrassed person’s opinions about how things should be), and an internal
barrier to truth, honesty and perspicacity
(as the embarrassed person is not looking at why they are having that reaction
- it is a bit like the old political axiom that nothing distracts the voters
from internal problems - such as economic woes - like a war).
Of course, there are some situations where this form of embarrassment
may be justified - for instance, some clothing attire is not appropriate to
some situations, and professional errors are, to say the least embarrassing.
Nevertheless, I have added a new quotation to my signature block:
Proxy embarrassment is both a form of control, and an internal barrier
to truth, honesty and perspicacity.
In most situations, particularly social situations, proxy embarrassment
is not justifiable.
I have also decided to add the following quotation:
Life is not a struggle for status.
That is not “life is not meant to be a struggle for status”, as every good,
decent and (in the legal sense) reasonable person (i.e., every BPLF [aka “spiritual”] person) knows, when they think
about what is important to them, that none of the forms of status - social,
prestige / honour, political, etc - counts amongst those important things.
I have also added these quotations recently:
I mourn the desecration of the term 'Light
Worker' by commercial interests, and the warping of the word 'Light' away from
'Clear Light' by the "(Fluffy) White Lighters".
Presuming that everyone has, or wants, a smartphone is discriminatory, unspiritual, and downright stupid.
Obsessive love may be a cover up of guilt.
Some of these are because I am becoming a cranky old git :) … but they
all have a point that is worth thinking about - at least once, at any rate :)
[1] BPLF =
Balanced Positive (spiritual) Light Forces. See here and here for more on this.
[3] I apologise for the formatting: it seems Blogger is
no longer as WYSIWYG as it used to be.
Love, light, hugs and blessings
My "blogiography" (list of all posts and guide as to how to best use this
site) is here, and my glossary/index is here.
I started this blog to cover karmic regression-rescue
(see here and here), and it grew ... See here for my group mind project, here and here for my "Pagans for Peace" project (and join me
for a few minutes at some time between 8 and 11 PM on Sunday, wherever you are,
to meditate-clear for peace), and here
for my bindrune kit-bag. I also strongly recommend
learning how to flame, ground
and shield, do alternate
nostril breathing, work
with colour, and see also here and be
flexible.
- neither eloquence nor inarticulateness inherently indicates correctness,
but, as words can kill, the right to freedom of speech comes with a DUTY to be
as well-informed, objective and balanced as you can be.
- Gnwmythr's Stropping Strap: Occam's Razor only works if the simplest solution is actually recognised
as being the simplest, rather than the one that best fits one's bigotries being
labelled 'simplest'.
- I mourn the desecration of the term 'Light Worker' by commercial
interests, and the warping of the word 'Light' away from 'Clear Light' by the
"(Fluffy) White Lighters".
- Presuming that everyone has, or wants, a smartphone is discriminatory, unspiritual, and downright stupid.
- Obsessive love may be a cover up of guilt.
-
Proxy embarrassment is both a form of control, and an internal barrier
to truth, honesty and perspicacity.
-
Our entire life experience, with all the many wondrous and varied
people, places and events in it, is too small a sample for statistical
reliability about Life.
- May the world of commerce and business be recognised to be a servant,
not a master, of the lives of people.
- Life is not a struggle for status.
- Being accustomed to interacting via certain rules makes those rules
neither right nor universal.
- Like fire to the physical, emotions to the soul make a good servant, and
a bad master.
- The means shape the end.
- My favourite action movie of all time is "Gandhi", although I've recently come across "Invictus"
and might put that one in to that category.
However, I loathe the stereotypical action movie - and, for similar reasons, I
loathe many dramas, which are often emotionally violent, more so in some cases than many war films.
- All of the above - and this blog - could be wrong, or subject to
context, perspective, or state of spiritual evolution ...
Human dignity is
the inherently cumulative holistic
combination of human rights, wellbeing and potential, and all actions or
interaction which promote, realise or facilitate same. The converse also
applies: whatever degrades, diminishes or robs humans of dignity, is inherently
undignified.
Gnwmythr
The “purpose” of spiritual evolution is not
the attainment of “spiritual perfection” - not in the sense of not having to
evolve further, at any rate, since there is no such thing. We need to evolve in
order to grow - but we can take rest breaks (hopefully well earned :) ) along the way. No, the “purpose” of evolution is,
rather, to perfect our ability to learn, and thus grow.
Gnwmythr
Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice
everywhere.
Martin Luther King, Jr.
Females, get over 'cute'. Get competent.
Get trained. Get capable. Get over 'cute'. And those of you who are called
Patty and Debby and Suzy, get over that. Because we use those names to
infantalise females – we keep females in their 'little girl' state by the names
we use for them. Get over it. If you want to be taken seriously, get serious.
Jane Elliott
The only thing necessary for the triumph of
evil is for good [people] to do nothing.
(based on
writing by) Edmund Burke
We didn't inherit the Earth from our
ancestors, we only borrowed it from our children
Antoine De Saint-Exupéry
There are risks and costs to a program of
action. But they are far less than the long-range risks and costs of
comfortable inaction.
John F. Kennedy
Tags: attitudes, embarrassment, emotions, honesty, perspective, perspicacity, proxy embarrassment, self awareness, truth,
First published: Laugardagr, 21st March, 2015
Last edited (excluding fixing typo's
and other minor matters): Saturday, 21st March, 2015
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