Post No. 176 - A few Friday thoughts: bullies, boot camps, genes and whistleblowers

When I was a kid at school, I was bullied as a kid. Mostly I just laid low and avoided trouble when I could, but occasionally I stood up to the bullies. On one occasion a bigger kid threw a football at me, hitting me in the head: I complained to the teachers and was taken to the Grade 5 classes to try and pick him out, but my nerve failed before I got to the even bigger Grade 6 classes. Which probably saved me getting bashed up after school as I walked home.

I also refused to visit one of my mother's friends: Mum's friend's son was one of the most sadistic bullies I ever met (his Mum said "oh he's so sensitive, and gets a bit misunderstood": no, he was a sadistic bully). I told Mum she should go and visit without me, but she wanted me to be the excuse. (The kid's mother was a nice human being, although a bit blind about her son.)

I was pleased to hear a few years ago that schools were implementing anti-bullying measures; but I was horrified to hear some of these measures included having victims talk of how being bullied made them feel. My experience was bullies are sadistic and want that confirmation that their behaviour is working to give them their little thrill.

So I was VERY pleased to hear a segment on ABC Radio National's Lifematters programme this week about anti-bullying measures which said: don’t talk about feelings, name the behaviour as bullying and challenge it because it is wrong.

YES! YES!! YES!!!

There were other very interesting points in the segment:

• discussion on the "bullying triangle", which is perpetrator, victim and bystanders, all of whom have a role to play in fixing this problem;
• that use of the phrase “dobbing in” (in the context of "don't tell teachers - that's dobbing, and no-one wants to be friends with a dobber" - see here and here) is in itself a form of bullying;
• bystanders may not feel able to talk to teachers about what they've seen, but they can offer support in the immediate aftermath, which apparently has been shown to be very effective;
• schools need a range of strategies to deal with bullying, not just one policy; and
• bullying is a learned behaviour: it can happen in adults if not nipped in the bud in kids.

Having put up with office politics for several decades now, I can vouch for the latter point.

The link for the segment is here.

On the topic of young people, one of our State politicians has proposed sending kids to a sort of "boot camp" to make sure they get adequate training in "life skills" such as budgeting, and, if from the city get to know what country life is like and vice-versa. I am fortunate to be sharing my life with a partner who is very much aware that she is more or less running an apprenticeship for her kids (i.e. they are apprentice adults), but I suspect such a programme could be of benefit to some kids - PROVIDED it is NOT run along military lines.

The original news article is here (Brumby plan for teenage boot camp, The Age, 16th November, 2010.)

Another one from a while ago about parents who do too much for their kids is:
http://www.smh.com.au/national/education/helicopter-parents-not-doing-enough-to-let-children-fail-20100402-rjxy.html

And on interesting news articles, how about this one, which reports that trauma has been found to have a genetic influence on offspring:
Trauma found to affect genes, The Age, 25th November, 2010
I'm going to think about that ...

And finally, whistleblowers. One of the engineering companies I've worked for in the past (and, as I have been seconded out to a few companies, those who know me should not make any assumptions about which one that is :) ) considered doing something which I considered unethical (I honestly don't remember what it was, now - it was far too long ago). I told them I had concerns, which had no effect, so I started the process of lodging a complaint with the Institute of Engineers Australia's Ethics Committee. I don't know whether it was my action, or cooler heads prevailing, but anyway, the action didn't go ahead.

So, when I read the following article about a pilot who was sacked for raising safety concerns, my immediate reaction was that the shame here is of the company, not the pilot. This does show, however, that being ethical can cost one (in many ways, I am worse of for having changed jobs in protest at human resources policies). There are many aspects to a situation, of course, so it is worth reading the article to get both sides of the story - and then, make up your own mind, which does not mean agree with me!

The article link is here, and the details are: Challenge to pilot's sacking, The Age, 26th November, 2010

Love, light, hugs and blessings

Gnwmythr

This post's photo is yet to be posted.

Tags: about me, abuse, activism, attitudes, awareness, bullying, depression, group dynamics, human rights, immaturity, interpersonal interactions, ethics, school, whistleblowing,

First published: Friday 26th November, 2010

Last edited: Friday 26th November, 2010