I am a wart: a worry wart.
I've got into this habit through engineering, where you keep thinking about problems (flexibly and creatively - you don't go over and over the same old ground, or be like a bull at a gate) until you find or invent a solution. It is a very challenging and very rewarding form of creativity (particularly rewarding, when you have the good fortune to work in an environmentally sustainable form of engineering, as I do [reuse of wastewater]).
However, there can be a time and a place for worrying, and there is a time and a place for not worrying.
My partner is a gem at the not worrying part: if she can't change or control something, she won't allow it to intrude into her life. As a worry wart, that can be frustrating, at times - but that frustration is a sign that I am learning. (I hope I am managing to be as useful to her.) I have observed that differences of "level of worry" can be a source of conflict in a wide range of situations: those of us in the worry wart camp may tend to assume that someone else refusing to worry means they aren't caring (that's an assumption - it's not necessarily so), whereas those in the "she'll be right, mate" camp tend to focus on one's inner state at the possible expense of improving things in the physical world - remember the description I gave at the start of this post, of how one can creatively "worry at" a problem, a bit like (I apologise for this analogy in advance: it's all I could think of) a hunting dog worrying at it's prey: the energy can be used creatively, and "worry" does not automatically mean "stressed out". Both can learn from the other.
I suspect many of us use worry as a badge to show we care - for instance, I've known young males to go off the handle because of kids they don't have contact with and allegedly care about, and feel that they consider this shows they care (whereas it actually only shows they possibly have emotional problems and confirms that they can be violent). I've also watched crowds baying for the blood of child abusers, and wondered at their motives as well: do they really care so much about their children, or is it about fear, frustration and wanting to control the world and people in it and force it to be something they feel is safe (which I could summarise as destructive expressions of "love")?
To take a view where one doesn't "worry about things", or does not "let things get at you", can be hard. Apart from the obvious changes to one's inner emotional landscape, one of the hardest things for me is others' reactions to this. For instance, at work a few decades ago I was told that if I wasn't upset by someone's else unethical or illegal behaviour, there was no need for anything to be done :so do I allow myself to be harmed by something so others will take the action they should, or heal myself and move on AND urge those who should to "do the right thing" anyway, even if I have been able to prevent someone else's attempt to harm me from doing so? These days I'm a bit older and wiser, and can see the comments that were made then as an attempt to manipulate me into making the life of the manager involved a bit easier. (Many years of political lobbying for human rights has helped me attain that point of view.)
Going back to "letting things get at you", I sometimes feel that people hold on to hurt to more or less try to blackmail the universe/Deity into showing some sympathy. "Hey universe/Deity, see how much this has hurt me? If you loved me, you wouldn't let this happen - or at least you'd come and give me a massage/tattslotto win/slab/
Wherever you are at on this and other issues is probably where you are meant to be: the lessons you are meant to learn will be in front of you, although you may need to ask for help to learn them. Be patient with yourself: if you've been paying attention, you'll have noticed from this post alone that some of my lessons have taken me years to learn, and from one end of a spectrum (worry wart) to the other ("she'll be right, mate") and back again until I have (almost - I'm still working on this!) reached a state where I can put myself onto whatever parts of the spectrum I need to be in any particular situation.
Love, light, hugs and blessings
Gnwmythr
This post's photo was taken on one of my cruising trips through the Gippsland Lakes in the late 80s. Sailing has been very important to me in this and several other lifetimes: I mentioned it in my post http://gnwmythr.blogspot.com/2007/06/about-me.html, but I failed to mention that it has given a wonderful connection to the natural world, especially it's dynamic aspects - the wind, the movements of water (tide and waves), changes with time (sand bars can shift, coast lines changes, etc). The joy of sailing has helped me through times of great personal crisis, and has helped my spiritual and personal growth and development. I have sailed through the islands in the Whitsunday Passage (the islands are actually called, if I recall correctly, the Cumberland Group) in the early 80s, when it was already crowded but not as much so as now, and I prefer the Gippsland Lakes. The "Whitsundays" can be quite rough and technically tricky because of the 20"+ tidal range and the currents that generates (to get technical, wind over tide can make a nice day one subject to rough conditions with no change of wind at all: mind you, I enjoy heavy weather sailing - you don't master nature, but you can get to be part of it and see the dynamic aspects of Mother Nature); I have found the Gippsland Lakes more relaxing. This photo - and a few from other posts - is from one of my trips. In fact, it is close to where I turned round and took a sunset photo: this is a view into Boxes Creek.
On these photos, I am aware there are far better photos around: but this post is about myself and my life, so I am both personalising it by using photos I have taken, and helping to show the beauty of this part of the world that I live in. I'll stop waffling now :)
Tags: about me, emotions, life lessons, stress
First published: Sunday 14th October, 2007
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