Post No. 2,835 - MAJOR CHANGE OF OPINION: “Emotional Intelligence” is potentially ableist & traumatic, and errs towards conservativism (anti-progressive) [Content Warning - abuse, trauma, controversy]

For much of my adult life, I have considered “Emotional Intelligence” (EI) a good thing, as it helped with trying to get the emotional cripples that infest too many professional careers/management positions to change ... but I have now changed my position - largely because of my increased awareness of neurodivergence, which has come about because I am now aware that I am likely AuDHD.

But even while I thought EI was good, I was very much aware of those patriarchally inclined people who tried to - in my words at the time - misuse EI to reinforce being compliant with inherently abusive patriarchal work cultures.

I considered they needed to be more aware of their own emotions, which is why they were making that mistake - and that is a view I still hold to quite an extent. Such people often seem to be viewed as being patriarchal as they want - whether consciously or unconsciously - power and/or the evil known as social status, but I suspect some of it is also fear: fear of being cast out or isolated, or targetted by those who are powerful. 

That is a serious politico-social problem - particularly given recent and ongoing political events in the USA, which highlight the problem and flaw of anticipatory  obedience.

In the workplace, it highlights the problem of psychopaths. 

However, that is not why I am writing this post. 

One of the key aspects of EI is knowing and managing one’s own emotions. In much of society, despite the contraindication of the need for and existence of counselling, that is assumed to be easy - or at least feasible with modest amounts of work. 

However, that is not so. 

 

Victims of trauma often cannot easily identify and manage emotions because of what was done to them.

 

The brains of neurodivergent people are wired differently, and that can lead to not easily knowing one’s own emotions, and emotional regulation problems such as shut downs or meltdowns for reasons that are beyond their control.
(See ND links below)

 

So, in addition to those people in workplaces/social hierarchies who are using this as a tool to crush dissent/manipulate people into conformity, there are major sections of the population who cannot use that key aspect. 

While those who are not survivor-victims of trauma or who are neurotypical could potentially benefit from EI that has not been perverted into a compliance-suppression tool, the fact that it is advocated for without the essential nuance that some people cannot know and regulate their emotions - or not without major work/help - makes it, in my opinion, ableist and thus abusive.

The fact that it has been perverted at times meant I considered it capable of being misused as a conservative, in the sense of suppressing/resisting progressive change such as inclusion, tool. 

However, having now read   “If you always use these 12 phrases, you’re more emotionally intelligent than most”   https://www.cnbc.com/2024/07/02/always-use-these-phrases-youre-more-emotionally-intelligent-than-most.html   , written by one of the co-originators of EI, I consider the tool INHERENTLY anti-progressive / enforcing of conformity to current patriarchal norms. 

This may also reflect the Buddhist-influenced origins of EI, which - particularly in the west - has clear signs of toxic positivity and spiritual bypassing, in my opinion. 

What particularly concerned my in Daniel  Goleman’s article was:   

7. ‘So that’s how things work around here’   Emotional intelligence competency: Social awareness (organisational awareness)  

“How things work around here” is often abusive, coercive, and patriarchal.

Can EI still be a useful tool? Potentially yes, but ONLY after it has been adapted to be trauma informed, inclusive of neurodivergence, and radicalised away from patriarchal conformity. 

The rest of Goleman’s article has points that are worth considering, but remember to keep the broader societal and historic context in mind.

Those neurodivergent links I mentioned above are: 

• “Author Pete Wharmby on how the world "isn't built" for autistic people”   https://www.rte.ie/lifestyle/living/2023/0424/1378907-pete-wharmby-on-how-the-world-isnt-built-for-autistic-people/      

• “Developing Self-Acceptance of Neurodiversity”   https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/invisible-bruises/202210/developing-self-acceptance-of-neurodiversity   “Personal perspective: Accepting ourselves can help us understand differences.”      

• “Understanding Neurodiversity: The Strengths, Challenges, and Support Needs of Neurodivergent Individuals”   https://www.voglblakeresearch.com.au/understanding-neurodiversity-the-strengths-challenges-and-support-needs-of-neurodivergent-individuals/      

• “Energy Regulation (Emotional, Sensory, Dopamine) for NeuroDivergent People”   https://neurodivergentrebel.com/2023/09/06/energy-regulation-emotional-sensory-dopamine-for-neurodivergent-people/   and   “We NEED to Talk About NeuroDivergent Energy Regulation – My Autistic ADHD Perspective”   https://neurodivergentrebel.com/2022/11/23/we-need-to-talk-about-neurodivergent-energy-regulation-my-autistic-adhd-perspective/      

• “The positive impact of identity-affirming mental health treatment for neurodivergent individuals”   https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychology/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2024.1403129/full      

• “5 Tips for Resisting the “Laziness Lie””   https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/shrugging-off-should/202103/5-tips-for-resisting-the-laziness-lie   “No one chooses to fail or disappoint. We need to unlearn our bias of laziness.”      

• ““Thoughts Are Not Feelings” Is Bad Psychological Advice”   https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/shrugging-should/202210/thoughts-are-not-feelings-is-bad-psychological-advice   “A Personal Perspective: Time to stop spreading unscientific mind-body dualism.”      

• “Neurodivergence in Adulthood: The Case of the Undiagnosed”   https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/new-beginning/202108/neurodivergence-in-adulthood-the-case-the-undiagnosed      

• “30 things you can do that might help autistic people in your lives”   https://petewharmby.com/2021/05/13/30-things-you-can-do-that-might-help-autistic-people-in-your-lives/      

• “Self-Identification is the Future of Autism Assessment”   https://drdevonprice.substack.com/p/self-identification-is-the-future   “Instead of trying to reform the diagnostic process, we should work to move past it”   and   “Seeking an Autism Diagnosis? Here’s Why You Might Want to Rethink That”   https://drdevonprice.substack.com/p/seeking-an-autism-diagnosis-heres   “Know the costs — and the legal risks”      

• “Psychologist Devon Price on Autism and the New Faces of Neurodiversity”   https://penguinrandomhousehighereducation.com/2022/03/30/psychologist-devon-price-on-autism-and-the-new-faces-of-neurodiversity/     
  

Other links which may be of use / relevance: 

• https://gnwmythrsglossary.blogspot.com/2023/09/aspects-of-character-content-warning.html   
  

• https://gnwmythrsglossary.blogspot.com/2015/06/emotions.html  

• https://gnwmythrsglossary.blogspot.com/2023/05/ethics.html  

• https://gnwmythrsglossary.blogspot.com/2023/12/the-evil-that-is-known-as-fascism.html   
  
• https://gnwmythrsglossary.blogspot.com/2023/06/patriarchy.html   
  
• https://gnwmythr.blogspot.com/2023/08/post-no-2535-trauma-content-warning.html   
• https://gnwmythrsglossary.blogspot.com/2023/09/content-warning-psychopath.html   
  

• “Post No. 2,570 - normative social behaviour [Content Warning - workplace abuse, psychopaths]”   https://gnwmythr.blogspot.com/2023/08/post-no-2570-normative-social-behaviour.html      

• “On leadership”   https://politicalmusingsofkayleen.blogspot.com/2019/04/on-leadership.html   in which I included:   “a comment by Reinhold Niebuhr (who also wrote the "Serenity Prayer") "Man's capacity for justice makes democracy possible, but man's inclination to injustice makes democracy necessary" ”   

Possible flaws 

Where I can, I will try to highlight possible flaws / issues you should consider:

• there may be flawed logical arguments in the above: to find out more about such flaws and thinking generally, I recommend Brendan  Myers’ free online course “Clear and Present Thinking”;  
• I could be wrong - so keep your thinking caps on, and make up your own minds for yourself.
  

 

If you appreciated this post, please consider promoting it - there are some links below, and there’s also Instagram. 

Note that I am cutting back on aspects of my posts - see here. 

Remember: we generally need to be more human being rather than human doing, to mind our Mӕgan, and to acknowledge that all misgendering is an act of active transphobia/transmisia that puts trans+ lives at risk & accept that all insistence on the use of “trans” as a descriptor comes with commensurate use of “cis” as a descriptor to prevent “othering” (just as binary gendered [men’s and women’s] sporting teams are either both given the gender descriptor, or neither).

Copyright © Kayleen White 2007-2024     NO AI   I do not consent to any machine learning aka Artificial Intelligence (AI), generative AI, large language model, machine learning, chatbot, or other automated analysis, generative process, or replication program to reproduce, mimic, remix, summarise, or otherwise  replicate any part of this post or other posts on this blog via any means. Typo’s may be inserrted deliberately to demonstrate this is not an AI product.     Otherwise, fair and reasonable use is accepted under Creative Commons 4.0 on an Attribution-ShareAlike basis https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/  

 

Post No. 1,105 - Random Reflections

I’ve been wanting to write another article for this blog for some time, but time and energy constraints have prevented that. This is just a short post to get a few things posted.

Firstly, I’ve started doing some interviews, and hope to get those appearing as a regular feature next year.

Next, I have done some post on my political blog which I will mention: one on crime, and one on the Rohingya genocide.

I’m also contemplating writing something about whether the USA and my nation (and others) are heading down the same path as Germany in the 1930s …

I had been planning on writing an article on fear, around the fact that fear includes a fear of the struggle to earn a living. This is made worse for older women by the history of limited education, and a focus – often forced by society - on family duties; it is questionably enforced by women who enforce stereotypes. See here for the story of one woman who rocked the boat of compliant women by leaving her children (and I have a TED talk lined up to listen to from a woman who is annoyed by those who tell her she will change her mind about not having children). Such fears have to be faced a and overcome – by a combination of education, enabling catch up for lost opportunities, and honest personal growth. (I would be happy for such women to stop trying to hold other women back.)

Some time ago I posted a new quotation:

Beware the enforcers of conformity - those small people who, sharing the banality of evil, cannot abide that others may demonstrate that doing the same as everyone else is not compulsory.

Examples of such people include the manager at work who is promoting the company line despite personal doubts, and the aforementioned women who are critical of other women who don’t stick to the stereotype.

Next, I had an idea for an article on “shooting oneself in the foot”, but I didn’t have a chance to write down the spiritual example of this (I was driving at the time), and, unusually, that hasn’t come back to me – leaving me with, as examples, the taxi drivers who have made ride-sharing services attractive by things like not turning up, being opinionated and unpleasant, etc, and the “check out people” who made it easier for people to use self-service aisles by being arrogant, disinterested and judgemental / superior.

Finally, the coming time of year is, in nations with a neochristian background (which you DON’T have to be part of, if you faith is different), a commercialism/materialism driven nightmare. You DON’T have to buy into that – anyone who gets snarky about limited presents isn’t worth anything, and you DON’T have to put up with unpleasant family – people in families have to prove themselves worthy, and if you doubt that, think about those people in families who are abusive – including of children, sometimes sexually. No-one has to put up with that, and you DON’T have to put up with obnoxious relatives trying to shove their views down your throat. (You also DON’T have to socialise with incompatible people at work functions.)

On the other hand, family can be good, and I’m looking forward to spending time with one family and talking to the other, as I am fortunate and blessed. However, having worked at a phone counselling service, I know how desperate this time can be, and I’m mindful of police warnings about the increase in domestic violence at this time of year.

It is, for those who are so inclined, an enormous opportunity to do effective psychic work.

Stay safe and well.