One of the problems of this world is that nonBPM (aka “negative”) things can get perpetuated (as can BPM - aka “positive” - things): I am thinking in particular of wrong parenting, such as the “you have to be tough/hard/“prepared” for a tough/hard world”.
Rubbish.
One of the many problems with such thinking is that it perpetuates that undesirable state of the world. To paraphrase the saying that if you have a hammer, everything looks like a nail: if you think and therefore act as if the world is a tough/hard place, you do the sort of damage that does, indeed, make it a tough/hard place.
It is self-perpetuating.
Of course, the naïve approach that “if you act nicely and/or as if the world is a nice place it will be” is equally flawed - it won’t do the active harm of the cynical/perpetuating harm/self defeating approach, but it risks toxic positivity, not healing, and suppressing/not dealing with problems that need to be dealt with - both individually, and for the world as a whole.
So people who have experienced significantly (I doubt any parenting on this world is perfect - we are all human) flawed parenting/raising (excluding active abuse - that is a whole other set of topics for a whole other set of posts that I will probably never write - but experts in the field have), is that it can frame how you think/perceive/act.
In the context of this blog and this post, what I am thinking of is:
vulnerability to nonBPM “guidance”
This can show as:
- accepting nonBPM guidance on the basis that it seems in accord with the be tough/hard (or “responsible” - often misused in these sorts of circumstances) views one experienced as a child (sometimes even if that has been consciously rejected ... but without adequate/appropriate personal growth work);
- mistiming of what would otherwise actually be BPM advice/suggestions - e.g., a timing that leads to problems for oneself or others that wouldn’t have occurred a little earlier or later;
- self sabotage;
The remedies to that depend on the individual and the circumstances, but may include:
- learning to, or refining, the ability to differentiate between nonBPM and BPM;
- taking a little more time to analyse the suggestions/guidance one has received;
- getting professional help to resolve childhood issues;
- something else that I haven’t thought of or didn’t know when I wrote this (or during any subsequent edits).
I want to end by emphasising the point that, if you have experienced an abusive childhood, you should seek competent professional help.
Possible flaws
Where I can, I will try to highlight possible flaws / issues you should consider:
- there may be flawed logical arguments in the above: to find out more about such flaws and thinking generally, I recommend Brendan Myers’ free online course “Clear and Present Thinking”;
- I could be wrong - so keep your thinking caps on, and make up your own minds for yourself.
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Finally, remember: we need to be more human being rather than human doing.
