Post No. 584 - from the Cool and Groovy "Compersion" Department

"Compersion" is an invented word from within the polyamory community, and means feeling joy at seeing (one of) one's partner(s) experiencing pleasure at being involved with someone else (see here). I had some compersion today, as a result of my partner and her other partner (who uses the term "partner-in-law" for me - which I like, and, with her permission, will also use for her), my partner-in-law, attend the Equal Marriage rally today, and participate in the non-legal commitment ceremony that many took part in. (I've just back from my partner-in-law's place, where we've been watching various news services to see if they made it on [sadly, nothing].) 

Shocked? Confused?

Don't be - it's unedifying, not a BPLF spiritual reaction at all, for a start :) .

If you are feeling negative about this, I suggest you work on things like insecurity, jealousy and possessiveness. That can be quite a struggle, but what helped me, nearly 30 years ago when I first wound up in a polyamorous situation, was focusing on wanting what results in my partner being happy and fulfilled, rather than FOCUSING INTENTLY on myself. At that time, my then-partner, now ex-, was having trouble 'choosing' between me and someone else. She was experiencing considerable distress about this, so I said "don't choose". It was the easiest, most obvious and most direct way for me to help the woman I loved be happy, not troubled. We fumbled our way through the situation - none of the resources that exist now were available back then (we didn't, young 'uns, even have the Internet - or PCs, or mobile phones back then ... and even thought telexes and faxes were cool and kinda groovy), and, when my then-partner, now ex- was strong enough, she wound up moving on from both of us.

That's also OK. As my current partner says, people tend to come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime: in the case of that ex-, it was for a reason and a season.

Being able to let go if necessary is an important part of a healthy relationship - it may still be hard, but there are times when that has to be done for the Highest Spiritual Good. (That may also apply to other aspects of life: I've had to give up some dreams and aspirations out of practicality [owing to limits on time, energy, health and money, and responsibilities for others - duty, to use an unfashionable word], although that hopefully just means I'll get to them in a future life, or maybe later in this life.) If one partner is possessive, the relationship is NOT healthy, and risks being abusive. Jealousy NEVER 'proves' love (Hollywood and stereotypical teenagers of all ages please note): it only proves possessiveness, immaturity, inadequacy and unfitness for being in a relationship on the part of the jealous person, in my view.

Having expressed that point of view it is important never to deny being jealous: that emotion* is a sign that you need to do some personal growth work, which is part of embracing the Shadow side of oneself that some branches of Paganism cover (it was certainly a part of my Wiccan training), as do some other spiritual pathways (e.g., Buddhism) - and denial / suppression never works anyway, or not for more than a few years at most, for most people. (And the longer such is suppressed, the scarier, bigger and more collaterally damage the crash at the end ... )

Oh, and if you feel strongly that I should be thinking or reacting differently, you are guilty of the evil of attempting to control another person. Go away (still no adult only filter on this blog, otherwise that would be a lot more strongly worded - and I will not put such a filter in place), stop trying to ruin my partner's well deserved joy, and let me have some well deserved joy of my own in her joy.

PS - I am looking forward to performing their handfasting ceremony.



* You can find other articles I've written on emotions in the appropriate section of my blogiography, which I will reproduce here for your convenience ... and laziness, perhaps? :) 

Emotions

022. Anger is Not an Emotion;   074. Isa Mawt Tat: Emotions I Am Not;   097. What do I do when my soul's a drama queen, dahling?;   102. Judging Others: People Who Experience a Lot;   119. Hatred, and pouring oil onto ... oil;   142. Grief;   145. Others' Feelings;   178. Fear;   181. A Coupla Quick Thoughts: Fatigue and Ashramas;   183. Avoiding Positive Energy;   197. Personality;   230. Forgiveness;   256. Family of Choice;   214. Denial and Other Personal Negative Shields and Barriers, or What I Have Learned From Being Trans;   215. Confidence;   221. Inappropriate Reactions to (Agape) Love;   239. Random Thoughts;   303. Realisation;   304. Jealousy;   538.  Hope; [1] BPLF = Balanced Positive (spiritual) Light Forces. See here and here for more on this. 
[2] Please see here and my post "The Death of Wikipedia" for the reasons I now recommend caution when using Wikipedia. I'm also exploring use of h2g2, although that doesn't appear to be as extensive (h2g2 is intended - rather engagingly - to be the Earth edition of "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy").

Love, light, hugs and blessings

Gnwmythr, Wéofodthegn 

(pronounced "new-MYTH-ear"; ... aka Bellatrix Lux? … Morinehtar? … Would-be drýicgan ... )

My "blogiography" (list of all posts and guide as to how to best use this site) is here, and my glossary/index is here.

I started this blog to cover karmic regression-rescue (see here and here), and it grew ... See here for my group mind project, here and here for my "Pagans for Peace" project (and join me at 9 PM on Sunday, wherever you are, to meditate for peace), and here for my bindrune kit-bag. I also strongly recommend learning how to flame, ground and shield, do alternate nostril breathing, work with colour, and see also here and be flexible.

Tags: about me, control, emotions, growth, jealousy, polyamory, relationships,

First published: Laugardagr, 16^th August, 2014

Last edited (excluding fixing typo's and other minor matters): Sunday, 17^th August, 2014