Post No. 2,584 - Vindictiveness and other miscellaneous thoughts [Content Warning: discussion of/links to articles on jealousy, vindictiveness, narcissism]

Something that has really struck me as I watch the savage politics being played by the “no” campaign against the Voice to Parliament in Australia (see, for instance here, here, here, and here) is the desperate lengths some people will go to in order to in order to stop change. 

It doesn’t matter to these destructive individuals that they are perpetuating active harm by stopping a change for the better - for “the Greater Good”, if you prefer; they just want to see the people they hate - or are jealous of - lose, or get revenge no matter how many people are harmed in the course of doing that. 

The former motivation is unacceptable; if the latter is based on genuine issues of injustice (which does NOT apply to the “no” campaign, as they are actively perpetuating white supremacist and colonialist harms), those issues need to be addressed to the satisfaction of the victim, but in a BPM way that is genuinely healing and thus satisfactory to the victim - which must also prevent repeating the harm. 

If there is a need for some sort of karmic return or lesson, leave that to the Universe - especially as the obvious problem with such a view is that, from a reincarnation/karmic return point of view, it could be argued that what has happened is exactly such a return, with the victim now having been a perpetrator in the past. 

For what it is worth, I don’t consider that is how the Universe works, but if considering that line of argument helps people get past their current state of being to a more constructive, open-to-healing state of being, I’ll use it. 

My experience with this problem has been being on the receiving end of jealous individuals who wrongly think my life has no problems. 

I have even received death threats, I have had such people steal money from my purse because they wrongly assumed I had plenty of money (which would have left my former partner without medication if the woman heading the circle had not replaced the money), attempts to get me physically lost, civility traps (mentioned here), and projects to improve wastewater treatment and thus benefit the environment and communities undermined. 

I am particularly angry at the personally insecure bigot who did the latter. I tried to get others to take that on, but with no interest other than indirectly from China.

Spiritually and in almost every other sense, however, the worst example of this is the fashionable cynic - the amathiac individual who advocates doing nothing on the grounds of hopelessness, which is an active act of perpetuated evil. 

So ... next time you want to pre-judge someone on the basis of a presumed and quite possibly fantasised advantage (and to be clear; DISCRIMINATION IS REAL - I am not referring to that, only hatred towards one individual), or you think personal status and that ilk are more important than something of benefit to a larger group, or you want to give free rein to spite (perhaps because you are unable to cope in a mature way with change - such as losing a friend to a relationship) ... 

don’t

That will take effort - it is not a case of trying to use willpower: there will need to be some real personal growth in that. 

Now, a few other points I want to touch on: 

• I recently read a post on social media criticising those who criticised narcissists.
  Now, the basis for objector's post was that attacking people on the basis of a medical diagnosis is not helpful, and that is true enough, but with narcissism - and psychopathy - one of the most compelling needs is to stop harm being done to others first. So yes, the lashing out of victims may not help the perpetrator heal, but the first and most compelling need is of the victim(s),and putting energy into that rather than criticising lashing out is, I consider, more constructive.
  This topic also reminds me of the following, from this post of mine on my political blog: 
• “Discovering One's Hidden Psychopathy” | James Fallon | Big Think - transcript here;
• something I have written about before is the concept of time waves from particular events (see here).
  Of late, as I examine the character changes in my most recent lives, I have wondered if the same sort of thing can happen with regard to personal growth actions.
  The benefit to our future self is fairly obvious ... except we don't necessarily reincarnate in a linear time fashion, but setting that aside for now ... a lot of what drives the time waves of events is emotion - good, as well as bad ... so, what if the emotion of personal realisations etc can also drive time waves?
  I suspect how this works may be splitting off alternative time lines more than the “it has already happened” trope, but ... I’ll do some thinking on that - especially as working to address my past and my past influences has been a key part of my work since the 80s (albeit mostly with a focus on healing/strengthening where required);
• my final thought is on persistence.
  I have a few word games - and Solitaire - that I occasionally play online for relaxation, and I can sometimes solve the word game (Quordle) on the last possible attempt. That has been a useful reminder for me personally of the value of persisting, and not being overwhelmed by an approaching cut-off point/deadline/etc.
  

Possible flaws 

Where I can, I will try to highlight possible flaws / issues you should consider:

• there may be flawed logical arguments in the above: to find out more about such flaws and thinking generally, I recommend Brendan  Myers’ free online course “Clear and Present Thinking”;  
• I could be wrong - so keep your thinking caps on, and make up your own minds for yourself.
  

 

If you appreciated this post, please consider promoting it - there are some links below, and there’s also Instagram and Mastodon. 

Vote Yes for the Voice in Australia - see this backgrounder.  

Finally, remember: we generally need to be more human being rather than human doing, and to mind our Mӕgan.

 

 

Post No. 708 - How do I clear or channel specific emotion ‘X’? [Content warning - includes discussion on "negative" emotions, and harmful situations that can lead to those emotions]

Content Warning -  as the post title, this post includes discussion on "negative" emotions, and harmful situations that can lead to those emotions; that CW also applies to linked posts.

I’ll begin with clearing an emotion, which is really shorthand for “clearing nonBPLF (i.e., spiritually unbalanced) versions, and aspects and associations of emotion ‘X’ “.

The first step is, with the assistance of my BPLF Guides and Higher Self, to identify and clear (i.e., dissolve with BPLF energy –often love, but there are other positive energies) any ‘negative’ (i.e., nonBPLF or spiritually unbalanced) units I have that are associated with that emotion.

This will include, for instance, links created in past lives – or the present life - where I used that emotion to actively harm others, to prevent them being helped, to control or influence others, or where I encouraged others to do the same. Let’s look at a few examples.

I’ll begin with … anger – although I still consider that anger is not really an emotion: it is a way of expressing some other emotion, set of emotions or perceptions. I could have created negative units by, among many other examples:

• using anger to intimidate others;
• provoke others into anger (especially if that stops them doing something BPLF or being a BPLF person);
• made manipulative comments along the lines of “don’t you get angry that …?”;
• set someone a task or situation that I knew would overwhelm them, or prevented them from getting the help they need, so that they end up angry and unbalanced, and thus mishandle other situations;
• refrained from saying or doing something that would have helped someone who was having problems with anger (e.g., make disparaging remarks or jokes about anger management classes, or not make a light-hearted remark that would have defused a situation, or not passing on something that would be encouraging);
• indirectly manipulated someone into a state of anger (there are some examples of this in the US TV series “House of Cards”, which my partner and I have been watching);
• stopped someone being passionate (the BPLF expression of anger) about something;
• and many, many other examples I won’t try to list now, including situations where anger is turned inwards to create resentment or jealousy, or depression.

Next, I’ll consider grief:

• situations where I have not responded appropriately to others as I was too overwhelmed by my grief, including situations where I lashed out;
• arguing for actions that are inappropriate or are overreactions as a result of grief (as an example that is similar, I used to know someone who went on a diet [based on eating fruit in the morning, and eating proteins and carbohydrates separately] and modified it – cutting back on the amount she ate despite the diet specifically saying not to do so, wound up very ill, and then tried to campaign to have the original diet banned. As I had use the diet with success and no problems, I actually worked against her);
• I know of men who, allegedly out of grief at not having contact with their children, have lashed out in anger and damaged property (including mine) and even injured others (keep in mind that, when you are looking for associations, other people may have associations that you don’t, and that is what matters – not your opinion as to whether the association is valid / right or not: for instance, I would consider the example I’ve just given to be about possessiveness, seeing people as property, and control).

Now, jealousy, which can lead to:

• backstabbing and undermining;
• psychic attack;
• being diverted away from what one should be doing by wasting time with this emotion.

Finally, love – and yes, love can be misused or abused:

• testing people along the lines of “if you loved me, you would …”;
• arguing that something which is controlling or harmful has been done out of love (even if that is a deliberate lie, it creates a nonBPLF link to the emotion that can and must be cleared);
• where it is addictive or all-encompassing and stops one from growing spiritually or doing works that one should;
• inappropriate reactions.

These days, I tend to just directly perceive the units and work on them directly, but when I was beginning I would do focused past life regressions where I specifically asked to be shown aspects of past lives related to this emotion – in this instance, where I have misused, abused, failed to use when I should have, or encouraged/forced/manipulated others into making those mistakes (including failure to use the emotion when they should – you’ll get a better idea of that when you read my comments on using the positive aspects of an emotion).

That takes care of the easily dealt with work. Next, I seek to gain as good an understanding of the emotion as I can (and, in the context of weekly workings, this will often be time limited, but I have a fair understanding of many of these emotions through the personal growth work I have been doing most of my life). I will think, talk to my BPLF Guides / Higher Self to whatever extent and in whatever method I can, meditate, read the insights of those I consider credible, then think and meditate some more. And by meditate, I do mean that – the real meditation, NOT relaxation. (Did you notice the anger behind me using red there? You did? Good :) ) If you have been keeping a journal, what is there in that which is relevant?

Some aspects/issues which may be useful to consider during this stage are:

• how can this emotion be used to help others evolve spiritually in the short, medium and long term?
• how can this emotion harm others spiritual evolution in the short, medium and long term?
• what views do different cultures have on the emotion, and why?
• what influences the decision as to whether or not this is beneficial or harmful, and how does perspective, culture, spiritual/religious perspectives, etc affect how one is thinking about this?
• what situations/circumstances influence this emotion, and how it is used, in the short, medium and long term?
• what is one’s current situation with regard to that emotion – particularly karmically, and how has/will/could that change over time?

As an example of some of my considerations on the topic of emotions, here is the section on emotions from my blogiography:

Emotions

022. Anger is Not an Emotion;   074. Isa Mawt Tat: Emotions I Am Not;   097. What do I do when my soul's a drama queen, dahling?;   102. Judging Others: People Who Experience a Lot;   119. Hatred, and pouring oil onto ... oil;   142. Grief;   145. Others' Feelings;   178. Fear;   181. A Coupla Quick Thoughts: Fatigue and Ashramas;   183. Avoiding Positive Energy;   197. Personality;   230. Forgiveness;   256. Family of Choice;   214. Denial and Other Personal Negative Shields and Barriers, or What I Have Learned From Being Trans;   215. Confidence;   221. Inappropriate Reactions to (Agape) Love;   239. Random Thoughts;   303. Realisation;   304. Jealousy;   538.  Hope;

Having done all that, I will repeat the clearing steps.

Is there a fourth step where I try to feel the emotion?

No. Feeling an emotion when you are trying to clear the negative associations of it is a sign that you are using the units, rather than clearing them – a particular fault I used to suffer from when I was learning. In this situation, when I assume you are working alone, and you have the intent of clearing the negative, feeling the negative emotion is not useful.

Very, very, VERY advanced people, who have a thorough understanding of the linkage between thoughts and emotions may test their clearing by seeing if the thoughts stimulate the emotions, but they will be quick enough to stop the units leading to feeling the emotion. Also, some very, very, VERY advanced groups may have one person feel the emotion to, for instance, draw in uncooperatives to enable those uncooperatives to be rescued, but those are situations of people being skilled, experienced, and Very, very, VERY capable, and the volunteer would have access to healing, counselling and all other necessary support. Trying to do that if you are still learning about these things by reading this blog is not just risky, it is downright STUPID.

OK, so let’s move on to channelling the positive aspects of emotions.

Again, I’ll begin the examples with the example of the so-called emotion "anger".

I begin, again, with working directly on units. In this case, I will be looking at links where I have used a balanced, objective, BPLF passion to achieve something beneficial, or to encourage others to do the same. There may be the possibility of a “righteous anger”, but the majority of such situations are really people just ramming their perspectives and opinions down other people’s throats, so I tend to view such claims with the same scepticism I do people claiming to be historically famous people, such as Cleopatra. Positive / BPLF expressions of anger may have included being passionate about something that was ‘good’, or encouraging others to be passionate about something that was ‘good’ and important to them. Again, these days I tend to just find the links – with the assistance of my BPLF Guides / Higher Self if necessary, and strengthen them by the same technique I would use to clear something that isn’t BPLF. If need be, I will do past lives asking to see situations where I have used anger in a ‘positive’ / spiritually mature / BPLF way.

Next, grief. BPLF expressions of this would include:

• the laws against using mobile phones while driving, which, here in Victoria, Australia, came out the grief of a family whose daughter was killed by a driver who was texting;
• growth which can come out of personal loss – such as the growth my (adoptive) father has made since my (adoptive) mother died.

Now, jealousy:

• one example is where this (or what most nit-pickers would mislabel as envy – remember, it is the view of the person feeling the emotion that matters psychically, not what some dictionary or pedantic ***wit says) results in motivation to achieve what is considered desirable, provided that is done through BPLF means;
• where one is motivated to achieve personal growth enough to overcome the problem.

Finally, love:

• taking actions which are of real, lasting benefit to others wellbeing and spiritual maturity.

Going back to the procedure, next is thinking and meditation, followed by the second round of clearing.

After that, we get to feeling the emotion. In this case, where one is channelling the positive aspect of an emotion, feeling it can be beneficial, so, if you do find yourself feeling the emotion, that is OK, but do not lose your sense of perspective: this is an emotion that you have chosen to put on, a bit like putting on a coat, for a purpose, and when the exercise is passed, you should let it go. Do something that is characteristically you – watch a favourite movie, listen to a favourite song, do some exercise you like, read something you like, etc. It is the emotional equivalent of psychic grounding.

 

[1] BPLF = Balanced Positive (spiritual) Light Forces. See here and here for more on this.

[2] Please see here, here and my post "The Death of Wikipedia" for the reasons I now recommend caution when using Wikipedia. I'm also exploring use of h2g2, although that doesn't appear to be as extensive (h2g2 is intended - rather engagingly - to be the Earth edition of "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy").

[3] I apologise for the formatting: it seems Blogger is no longer as WYSIWYG as it used to be, and there are a lot of unwanted changes to layout made upon publishing, so I often have to edit it immediately after publishing to get the format as close to what I want as possible.

Love, light, hugs and blessings

Gnwmythr, Wéofodthegn

(pronounced "new-MYTH-ear"; ... aka Bellatrix Lux … aka Morinehtar … would-be drýicgan or maga ... )

My "blogiography" (list of all posts and guide as to how to best use this site) is here, and my glossary/index is here.

I started this blog to cover karmic regression-rescue (see here and here), and it grew ... See here for my group mind project, here and here for my "Pagans for Peace" project (and join me for a few minutes at some time between 8 and 11 PM on Sunday, wherever you are, to meditate-clear for peace), and here for my bindrune kit-bag. I also strongly recommend learning how to flame, ground and shield, do alternate nostril breathing, work with colour, and see also here and be flexible.

I am a Walker upon the Path of Balanced Positivity, seeking Spiritual Maturity.

• Neither eloquence nor inarticulateness inherently indicates correctness, but, as words can kill, the right to freedom of speech comes with a DUTY to be as well-informed, objective and balanced as you can be.
• Gnwmythr's Stropping Strap: Occam's Razor only works if  the simplest solution is actually recognised as being the simplest, rather than the one that best fits one's bigotries being labelled 'simplest'.
• I mourn the desecration of the term 'Light Worker' by commercial interests, and the warping of the word 'Light' away from 'Clear Light' by the "(Fluffy) White Lighters".
• Presuming that everyone has, or wants, a smartphone is discriminatory, unspiritual, and downright stupid.
• Obsessive love may be a cover up of guilt.
• Proxy embarrassment is both a form of control, and an internal barrier to truth, honesty and perspicacity.
• Our entire life experience, with all the many wondrous and varied people, places and events in it, is too small a sample for statistical reliability about Life.
• Notwithstanding the greatness of exploring the world and humanity, the greatest exploration is of mind, spirit and Soul.
• May the world of commerce and business be recognised to be a servant, not a master, of the lives of people.
• Life is not a struggle for status. 
• Being accustomed to interacting via certain rules makes those rules neither right nor universal.
• Like fire to the physical, emotions to the soul make a good servant, and a bad master.
• The means shape the end.
• My favourite action movie of all time is "Gandhi", although I've recently come across "Invictus" and might put that one in to that category. However, I loathe the stereotypical action movie - and, for similar reasons, I loathe many dramas, which are often emotionally violent, more so in some cases than many war films.
• All of the above - and this blog - could be wrong, or subject to context, perspective, or state of spiritual evolution ... and blogging has been described as graffiti with punctuation :)

Human dignity is the inherently cumulative holistic combination of human rights, wellbeing and potential, and all actions or interaction which promote, realise or facilitate same. The converse also applies: whatever degrades, diminishes or robs humans of dignity, is inherently undignified.

Gnwmythr

The “purpose” of spiritual evolution is not the attainment of “spiritual perfection” - not in the sense of not having to evolve further, at any rate, since there is no such thing. We need to evolve in order to grow - but we can take rest breaks (hopefully well earned :) ) along the way. No, the “purpose” of evolution is, rather, to perfect our ability to learn, and thus grow.

Gnwmythr

Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.

Martin Luther King, Jr.

Females, get over 'cute'. Get competent. Get trained. Get capable. Get over 'cute'. And those of you who are called Patty and Debby and Suzy, get over that. Because we use those names to infantalise females – we keep females in their 'little girl' state by the names we use for them. Get over it. If you want to be taken seriously, get serious.

Jane Elliott

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good [people] to do nothing.

(based on writing by) Edmund Burke

We didn't inherit the Earth from our ancestors, we only borrowed it from our children

Antoine De Saint-Exupéry

There are risks and costs to a program of action. But they are far less than the long-range risks and costs of comfortable inaction.

John F. Kennedy

Tags: anger, clearing, emotions, energy work, grief, jealousy, love, psychic weather, rescue,

First published: Fryrsdagr, 22^nd May, 2015

Last edited (excluding fixing typo's and other minor matters): Friday, 22^nd May, 2015

 

 

Post No. 584 - from the Cool and Groovy "Compersion" Department

"Compersion" is an invented word from within the polyamory community, and means feeling joy at seeing (one of) one's partner(s) experiencing pleasure at being involved with someone else (see here). I had some compersion today, as a result of my partner and her other partner (who uses the term "partner-in-law" for me - which I like, and, with her permission, will also use for her), my partner-in-law, attend the Equal Marriage rally today, and participate in the non-legal commitment ceremony that many took part in. (I've just back from my partner-in-law's place, where we've been watching various news services to see if they made it on [sadly, nothing].) 

Shocked? Confused?

Don't be - it's unedifying, not a BPLF spiritual reaction at all, for a start :) .

If you are feeling negative about this, I suggest you work on things like insecurity, jealousy and possessiveness. That can be quite a struggle, but what helped me, nearly 30 years ago when I first wound up in a polyamorous situation, was focusing on wanting what results in my partner being happy and fulfilled, rather than FOCUSING INTENTLY on myself. At that time, my then-partner, now ex-, was having trouble 'choosing' between me and someone else. She was experiencing considerable distress about this, so I said "don't choose". It was the easiest, most obvious and most direct way for me to help the woman I loved be happy, not troubled. We fumbled our way through the situation - none of the resources that exist now were available back then (we didn't, young 'uns, even have the Internet - or PCs, or mobile phones back then ... and even thought telexes and faxes were cool and kinda groovy), and, when my then-partner, now ex- was strong enough, she wound up moving on from both of us.

That's also OK. As my current partner says, people tend to come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime: in the case of that ex-, it was for a reason and a season.

Being able to let go if necessary is an important part of a healthy relationship - it may still be hard, but there are times when that has to be done for the Highest Spiritual Good. (That may also apply to other aspects of life: I've had to give up some dreams and aspirations out of practicality [owing to limits on time, energy, health and money, and responsibilities for others - duty, to use an unfashionable word], although that hopefully just means I'll get to them in a future life, or maybe later in this life.) If one partner is possessive, the relationship is NOT healthy, and risks being abusive. Jealousy NEVER 'proves' love (Hollywood and stereotypical teenagers of all ages please note): it only proves possessiveness, immaturity, inadequacy and unfitness for being in a relationship on the part of the jealous person, in my view.

Having expressed that point of view it is important never to deny being jealous: that emotion* is a sign that you need to do some personal growth work, which is part of embracing the Shadow side of oneself that some branches of Paganism cover (it was certainly a part of my Wiccan training), as do some other spiritual pathways (e.g., Buddhism) - and denial / suppression never works anyway, or not for more than a few years at most, for most people. (And the longer such is suppressed, the scarier, bigger and more collaterally damage the crash at the end ... )

Oh, and if you feel strongly that I should be thinking or reacting differently, you are guilty of the evil of attempting to control another person. Go away (still no adult only filter on this blog, otherwise that would be a lot more strongly worded - and I will not put such a filter in place), stop trying to ruin my partner's well deserved joy, and let me have some well deserved joy of my own in her joy.

PS - I am looking forward to performing their handfasting ceremony.



* You can find other articles I've written on emotions in the appropriate section of my blogiography, which I will reproduce here for your convenience ... and laziness, perhaps? :) 

Emotions

022. Anger is Not an Emotion;   074. Isa Mawt Tat: Emotions I Am Not;   097. What do I do when my soul's a drama queen, dahling?;   102. Judging Others: People Who Experience a Lot;   119. Hatred, and pouring oil onto ... oil;   142. Grief;   145. Others' Feelings;   178. Fear;   181. A Coupla Quick Thoughts: Fatigue and Ashramas;   183. Avoiding Positive Energy;   197. Personality;   230. Forgiveness;   256. Family of Choice;   214. Denial and Other Personal Negative Shields and Barriers, or What I Have Learned From Being Trans;   215. Confidence;   221. Inappropriate Reactions to (Agape) Love;   239. Random Thoughts;   303. Realisation;   304. Jealousy;   538.  Hope; [1] BPLF = Balanced Positive (spiritual) Light Forces. See here and here for more on this. 
[2] Please see here and my post "The Death of Wikipedia" for the reasons I now recommend caution when using Wikipedia. I'm also exploring use of h2g2, although that doesn't appear to be as extensive (h2g2 is intended - rather engagingly - to be the Earth edition of "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy").

Love, light, hugs and blessings

Gnwmythr, Wéofodthegn 

(pronounced "new-MYTH-ear"; ... aka Bellatrix Lux? … Morinehtar? … Would-be drýicgan ... )

My "blogiography" (list of all posts and guide as to how to best use this site) is here, and my glossary/index is here.

I started this blog to cover karmic regression-rescue (see here and here), and it grew ... See here for my group mind project, here and here for my "Pagans for Peace" project (and join me at 9 PM on Sunday, wherever you are, to meditate for peace), and here for my bindrune kit-bag. I also strongly recommend learning how to flame, ground and shield, do alternate nostril breathing, work with colour, and see also here and be flexible.

Tags: about me, control, emotions, growth, jealousy, polyamory, relationships,

First published: Laugardagr, 16^th August, 2014

Last edited (excluding fixing typo's and other minor matters): Sunday, 17^th August, 2014

Post No. 117 - Relationships: healthy, unhealthy, abusive

A couple of days ago I was listening to the radio programme "Hear Me Raw" on the gay and lesbian (which they "define" to include BTIQ) Joy Melbourne (which I do occasionally; one radio programme I listen to regularly is "Out of the Pan", on 3CR) while they had a special on domestic violence (DV), featuring some guests from Womens Health in the West (WHW). It was good to hear the programme, as DV is an under-acknowledged problem in the LGBTIQ communities, and there was some excellent commentary in it. However, there was also some material I had concerns with, or disagreed with.

The main concern I had was that at least one of the women from WHW seemed to be conflating "unhealthy relationship" with "abusive relationship": I've been in both in the past, and they are not one and the same. Whilst an abusive relationship is definitely unhealthy, it is possible to have a relationship that is unhealthy, but not abusive - much as a relationship could actually be quite neutral, having occurred because two people made a genuine mistake (as happened the first time I was engaged in this life - that was a case of two lonely people mistaking mutual loneliness for love).

I was also concerned that the list of red flags did not include drug or alcohol abuse as a red flag: had I paid attention to that particular warning signal, I would probably have avoided a past relationship which ended up abusive of me. (When talking about this with my current partner, who has also experienced a less than desirable [unhealthy, rather than abusive] relationship with a secondary partner [see here for basic information on polyamory terms] who had a severe drinking problem, she made the valid comment that sometimes it is hard to know the extent of a problem that a potential partner has until one has become involved. That is very true, although it didn't apply in my case [foolishly, I wrote the problem off as a cultural norm *SIGH*.)

The biggest concern I had, though, was with the response of one of the presenters to be the comment that jealousy is a red flag: "A little bit of jealousy is OK, isn't it?"

No, it isn't.

One of the things that polyamory is brilliant at is dealing with jealousy - and it is dealt with in what I consider a very Buddhist way, with no suppression, lots of acknowledgement of flaws and lots of communication/self analysis/work at changing oneself. I would love everyone in the world to deal with this issue as well, as it is one of the major reasons for psychic attack, or for attempts at negative) control (of others).

So, no, Ms Presenter, a little bit of jealousy is NOT alright!

Love, light, hugs and blessings

Gnwmythr

From the US based Red Flag Campaign, at http://www.theredflagcampaign.org/index.php/dating-violence/red-flags-for-abusive-relationships/:

• Abuse alcohol or other drugs.
• Have a history of trouble with the law, get into fights, or break and destroy property.
• Don’t work or go to school.
• Blame you for how they treat you, or for anything bad that happens.
• Abuse siblings, other family members, children or pets.
• Put down people, including your family and friends, or call them names.
• Are always angry at someone or something.
• Try to isolate you and control whom you see or where you go.
• Nag you or force you to be sexual when you don’t want to be.
• Cheat on you or have lots of partners.
• Are physically rough with you (push, shove, pull, yank, squeeze, restrain).
• Take your money or take advantage of you in other ways.
• Accuse you of flirting or “coming on” to others or accuse you of cheating on them.
• Don’t listen to you or show interest in your opinions or feelings. . .things always have to be done their way.
• Ignore you, give you the silent treatment, or hang up on you.
• Lie to you, don’t show up for dates, maybe even disappear for days.
• Make vulgar comments about others in your presence
• Blame all arguments and problems on you.
• Tell you how to dress or act.
• Threaten to kill themselves if you break up with them, or tell you that they cannot live without you.
• Experience extreme mood swings. . .tell you you’re the greatest one minute and rip you apart the next minute.
• Tell you to shut up or tell you you’re dumb, stupid, fat, or call you some other name (directly or indirectly).
• Compare you to former partners.

Some other cues that might indicate an abusive relationship might include:

• You feel afraid to break up with them.
• You feel tied down, feel like you have to check-in.
• You feel afraid to make decisions or bring up certain subjects so that the other person won’t get mad.
• You tell yourself that if you just try harder and love your partner enough that everything will be just fine.
• You find yourself crying a lot, being depressed or unhappy.
• You find yourself worrying and obsessing about how to please your partner and keep them happy.
• You find the physical or emotional abuse getting worse over time.

Adapted from the Domestic Abuse Project (http://www.domesticabuseproject.org/)

This post's photo is yet to be posted

Tags: about me, personal characteristics, personal responsibility, change, emotions, relationships, violence, jealousy, polyamory,

First published: Saturday 2nd May, 2010

Last edited: Saturday 2nd May, 2010