One of the narratives I grew up with, one that is fairly ubiquitous throughout my society, is that one should be grateful for people putting on a complex, elaborate, time consuming meal (and not question lack of consideration of allergic reactions, taste preferences, or ethics), and then show that gratitude by happily spending hours washing up afterwards.
Here's a counter-narrative: NO IT'S BLOODY NOT!!!
Ostentatious displays are NEVER about hospitality - they're about showing off, and quite possibly lording it over others.
Hospitality is important, but hospitality is about intent, and can be achieved with simpler food, working with what one has available. As an example, when I was house sitting for some friends once, a mutual friend called in and I cooked us a meal that wasn't conventional, using what was available.
It is the spirit of the action, not the ostentation, that matters.
In addition, the issue of time is significant. While establishing and maintaining friendships takes time, the time that actually counts is the face-to-face contact time - not the other time spent preparing an ostentatious display, and DEFINITELY NOT the time being compelled to do housework afterwards.
I would rather spend time working to make the world a better place than doing avoidable, preventable or unnecessary housework.
In terms of social contact, yes there are times when friends help each other with things like housework (e.g., moving), but if you're not planning to do the minimal and only the essential housework, you are selfishly and irresponsibly robbing the world of your time and energy that could be put to making the world a better place - even if that is "only" reading a good book, or meditating, or catching up with world events (using credibly sources, not conspiracy fantasists).
I've had IPOCs behave as if my objection to things like poor quality paint that has to be redone every two years or so was offensive to them - and it was probably was, as it challenged their mindless compliance with societal expectations that were based on occupying/passing time rather than anything that was actually of meaning or value.
Prevent the need to do housework first (don't make a mess unnecessarily), then minimise the need to do it (SMALLER homes!), then make sure it is as easy to do as possible, so you can spend more of your life doing things of value - such as engaging with friends in an honest and healthy, rather than an ostentatious and pretentious, way.
