I recently read a media article in which a (so-called? Probably has tertiary qualifications - that’s my annoyance, expressing itself mildly violently) stated that one of the most significant signs of an imminent relationship breakup is when those in it stop arguing.
What utter rubbish.
Relationships do NOT have to involve argument - there may be disagreement, and there will be need to discuss matters, but that does not mean those have to be done violently - i.e., through an argument, rather than a discussion, intense thought the discussion may be.
The attitude that violent communication, as opposed to non-violent communication, or what used to be referred to as clear and assertive communication, is somehow ... “normal” conflates acceptability and commonality.
Slavery used to be considered “normal” because it was widespread: It was not, however, in any way what could be considered a “normal” state of humanity, and relied on extensive conditioning of people and perverted social systems and “norms” for its existence.
The opinion by an expert that arguments are “normal” contributes to society adopted a social norm (which is a different matter) that such violent communication is acceptable, and that contributes, in a small but significant way, towards the normalisation of other forms of violence - particularly emotional violence that is not accompanied by physical violence,
That emotional violence is something I see in too many dramas (mostly movies, but also some fiction books), and the rejection of the perspective I am proposing by people who are aware of and reject the various forms of physical violence is a spiritual flaw, one which shows that they are more competent at word wars and than physical wars (something I have been aware f since I was a teenager - and not only from observing queen bee and wannabe queen bee teenage girls, but also some teenage boys who had what used to be called “the gift of the gab”), but have not yet learned to rise above such arbitrary and self imposed violence - which is to gain a sense of meaning or that their existence is notable - to a genuinely BPM patient and inclusive way of being.
We need people to commit to doing better in their interactions - aim to be inclusive, healing, and uplifting, rather than what is truly a form of emotional violence.
One day I hope someone with better word skills than I expands on what I have written here, and makes it understandable & acceptable to others - especially academics.
(BTW, I can also see the hero arc in many dramas, but based on society being reduced the main characters in the film/book - and possibly those in the relationship [including any third party or influencing person].)
Possible flaws
Where I can, I will try to highlight possible flaws / issues you should consider:
- there may be flawed logical arguments in the above: to find out more about such flaws and thinking generally, I recommend Brendan Myers’ free online course “Clear and Present Thinking”;
- I could be wrong - so keep your thinking caps on, and make up your own minds for yourself.
Gnwmythr
teaching the "good" (balanced positive and spiritually mature)
safe ways to counter the "bad" (out of balance, spiritually immature)
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Note that I am cutting back on aspects of my posts - see here, and Gnwmythr is pronounced new-MYTH-ear
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