Back in the 80s I knew someone who I thought was a friend - and there was, in fact, some possibility of a relationship at one stage.
However, she came across as a know-it-all - the sort of person who would assume you had the same likes / dislikes/ preferences / etc as her, because that was the ONLY way she could conceive of a friendship or a relationship being formed.
Being identical.
Or, more accurately, as I wrote here, the “seemingness of sameness ...”.
Friendships can be formed out of a range of factors - shared interests, shared goals, circumstances such as living near each other - and those friendships will have limits where aspects of life diverge, but they will still potentially be good, enjoyable interactions.
Someone who is interested in chess may not accompany their friend to a football game (and vice versa), but that doesn't mean they won’t yarn about their day at day’s end across the fence.
Some differences are too major for friendships to be sustainable - for instance, if one is a bigot, and the other isn’t, or (more commonly) if they take different sides of two mutual friends who are having a disagreement.
In my experience such falling outs often have past life events behind them, and thus may seem irrational or inexplicable - especially regarding the vehemence, but the reality of life is that they will occur and may end a wide range of types of relationships.
Going back to relationships that aren’t facing differences that will end them, views that they must be based on a high degree of similitude are, quite simply, wrong.
Furthermore, those views are EXTREMELY destructive as they result in:
- unrealistic expectations of, and thus a lack of, romantic and/or intimate (Blogger filter) relationships (BUT expecting no violence or abuse is not only valid but essential as a basis for any such relationship);
- denial of opportunities for support through ordinary friendships; and
- active harm to people by the abuse of shutting them down / not listening to them / gas lighting them as my “friend” in the 1980s did - not to mention the psychological damage of trying to force oneself into sameness out of fear of not being in a relationship ... (that was part of what my poem was about).
I really dodged a bullet with that one.
Still, that was a useful life lesson - although it took me decades to sort it out (beginning with needing chronological and psychological distance before I could recognise the unhealthy dynamics).
If you cannot be yourself in a relationship, your “relationship” is a lie - or, at the very least, an illusion.
That is something I consider many neurotypicals need to learn from those neurodivergent people who have come to terms with the importance of being themselves ...
Here are a few links which may be of interest/use/relevance:
- https://gnwmythrsglossary.blogspot.com/2020/11/survival-after-death.html , http://gnwmythrsglossary.blogspot.com/2016/08/reincarnation.html , and http://gnwmythrsglossary.blogspot.com/2016/08/past-life-regression.html
Possible flaws
Where I can, I will try to highlight possible flaws / issues you should consider:
- there may be flawed logical arguments in the above: to find out more about such flaws and thinking generally, I recommend Brendan Myers’ free online course “Clear and Present Thinking”;
- I could be wrong - so keep your thinking caps on, and make up your own minds for yourself.
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Remember: we generally need to be more human being rather than human doing, to mind our Mӕgan, and to acknowledge that all misgendering is an act of active transphobia/transmisia that puts trans+ lives at risk & accept that all insistence on the use of “trans” as a descriptor comes with commensurate use of “cis” as a descriptor to prevent “othering” (just as binary gendered [men’s and women’s] sporting teams are either both given the gender descriptor, or neither).Copyright © Kayleen White 2007-2024 NO AI
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