Posts in this series are now listed at https://gnwmythr.blogspot.com/p/recovering-from-corporate-life.html.
When I was a teenager, I could be fairly blunt.
As an example, at a beach event that my (adoptive) father had organised for the employees of the bank branch he managed, my (adoptive) mother made a comment about the bikinis of some of the women being, she thought, too skimpy - having been born in the 1920s, she was genuinely shocked and uncomfortable. The women who were targetted made a comment near where I was - pretty clearly with a view to having their objections to the comment being passed on. I did, opining to Mum that it wasn’t for her to be upset about modern fashions, and when the women started to say more, I said I’d passed on what they’d said, and wasn’t interested in anything else they had to say. (I was taking people sailing, so was in sailing clobber - but then,I never liked togs anyway ... Why did they choose me to pass the message on, rather than my sister? Huh - never thought about that till now, half a century later ... )
These days, I would probably be softer in my wording.
That is partly a result of growing up ... partly being on the receiving end of people being blunt (including some very immature people who are vengeful or “get off” on shocking others in the [false, in their case] name of radical honesty) ... partly the rigours of community activism (where you want to persuade people to accept your arguments, rather than irritate them to the extent that they experience a rising gorge of revulsion at the very mention of your issue - and some people’s approach to activism/lobbying did that) ... partly knowing the realities of the risk of being sued (not from personal experience - touch wood, but the media has had reports on this) ... partly the result of being bludgeoned metaphorically into being less of a troublemaker by many people ... and partly what I am going to term the “blandification” of a lot of corporate communication - which is partly because of the risks of being sued that I mentioned: corporate culture comes with a fair bit of corporate inculcation, and legal risks is part of that.
I’m considered relatively blunt at times in the corporate world, although I’m also known for my word-smithing ability,. so can get a message across les aggressively - and that is the benefit of community activism teaching me how to trigger a rising gorge of revulsion in most of my audience.
I am now in a situation where I can start to make conscious choices about this.
My first conscious choice is that I do not want to be one of those aggressive hypocrites who are into the childish, vengeful and mis-named “radical honesty” rubbish.
I’m also invested in being as spiritual as I can - which includes having consideration for the reactions and wellbeing of others, even those who hate me (e.g., bigots).
That was something I first discussed with my Buddhism teacher, Ab - a work colleague in the early 80s who came from Thailand, where he had spent six months as a monk (after initially resisting the family obligation on the eldest son to spend a month as a monk). He had what many Australians would describe as an “easy going” or “laid back” attitude - he would still make his points, but in a gentle, non-aggressive way (which can be more effective - more powerful, if you will).
(Ab reminded me of my favourite adoptive uncle - Uncle Clive, whose humour was never pushed to the point of savagery that many other Australians did then ... however, Uncle Clive was also a lifelong racist because of his experiences as a “choco” in World War (part) Two, in which he admitted having committed war crimes [killing of prisoners - which was something also committed by the Japanese he fought in Papua New Guinea, which I wrote about here. Shades of grey, first cousin to nuance, is another aspect of growing up [aka maturing] ... )
But I also saw that in the actions of Tibetan monks who, for instance, rescued soldiers from a fire that the soldiers had lit to destroy a temple the monks were in (I have forgotten the name of that 1990s documentary now), and, more recently,in Stan Grant’s powerful words about the Wiradjeri concept of yindamarra.
From this news post of mine:
a news platform has apologised for failing to support one of its now former staff, Stan Grant, against racist abuse (TND), and he has given a powerful final message (ABC), based in part on the Wiradjuri concept of Yindyamarra (TC) - see also here (SBS), here (TG), here (TND), and here (ABC) ... also, staff have walked out (ABC) in support (TND) of him, and see also “Stan Grant’s stand against racism is a huge wake-up call for Australia’s media” (TG), this (TC), this (TC), this (TG), and this (TC) ... and a man has been charged over the threats (I am pleased the police have taken action, as it shows them in a better light, but remember: innocent until proven guilty) (TND);
My second and third decisions are coupled: I do want to manage and, where appropriate, avoid the self-censoring I’ve developed a habit of doing, but I also want to do that better than I did in my less mature, teenage, pre-meeting Ab days.
I no longer have to be wary of the obligations of being linked to corporations which are all hyper-vigilant about public-image: I can choose to be my myself more (although I do have obligations to family, friends, and others - but those are without the formalised rules of image etiquette of corporations), but I can choose to be myself with a mature awareness of having an authentic presence, which is more effective - and likeable (to me) - than being a cranky little snot.
I was spurred to this post because of the editing and self-editing process I went through in preparing the post here on my political blog, particularly the first four dot points.
I can live with what I’ve written, but it has lost a lot of ... “colour”, which I admit was partly over a consideration of legal risks.
But I have also sought to recover some of my lost bluntness, and I feel I have done so.
Now to do so in a gentle but authentic way (as a social media user writes: “human kind - be both”) in the rest of life as I move out of the corporate world.
PS - things like this social media post on the climate crisis show that perhaps we all need to learn a little more authentic and effective (not vengeful or immature) bluntness.
Blessed be.
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Finally, remember: we need to be more human being rather than human doing.
