Posts in this series are now listed at https://gnwmythr.blogspot.com/p/recovering-from-corporate-life.html.
Part of my reflection on recovering from a corporate life has also included reflection on my life choices.
Now, I came close to getting out of engineering in the mid-1980s, but I couldn’t find a viable job. I also came close to getting out of engineering in the early 2000s and early-mid 2010s. Those, however, were not pursued as I had just taken on dependents (twice - two relationships, straight from one to the other).
Those situations had their ups and downs, including benefits for me, but they also had the unfortunate outcome of at times reducing me to feeling like a bank DESPITE THE DESIRE OF OTHERS NOT TO BE RELIANT ON ME (societal discrimination has long term consequences for its victim-survivors and those who love them). I felt - without adequate basis (this was part of the adverse consequences of societal discrimination and pressure on my wellbeing) - not seen or appreciated for myself, and that my goals, aspirations, and desires don’t matter. Even expressions of gratitude at me, in my words, "being a bank" have at times been perceived by me as disingenuous.
However, my regrets would have been greater by far had I not given free rein to my love and rendered the aid I could and still can share. I could not have borne the suffering I knew I caused by what would have been selfishness, grasping greed, an utterly cowardly fear of difficulty, and a betrayal of all that I wish to stand for - especially compassion and love.
Now, I remind readers that these posts are on my spirituality blog, and I that accept the reality of reincarnation. In light of that, and my accumulated sundry experiences in this life, I am strongly inclined to have no relationships in my next life until I get any larger-than-just-me life tasks done - and, should I find myself in any relationships, that they will be strictly 50:50 all the way ... unless I find myself in a similar situation of being able to help others - and caring for family members who become ill is something one doesn't, in my opinion, have a choice about: you help your loved ones without question other than how best to do so.
Now, more women and nonbinary/gender fluid/etc people will find themselves in the situation of being a primary income earner that I have been in - which is good, in that it a sign of truer equality across all genders ... but, for the benefit of society generally, the sole breadwinner furphy should be utterly eradicated as part of genuinely achieving equality, equity, and justice across all genders (except for situations involving children and others who are genuinely dependent).
(Incidentally, I have been working on a post on gender roles & stereotypes, but may not complete it - it is too re-traumatising ... More hopefully, I have noticed many younger people are not assuming there will be a sole breadwinner, but that may be harder economic times, rather than a realisation of, and commitment to, equity as a principle)
For now, in this lifetime, I have lost of things I want to do ... but, because of the combination of a half century stuck in an abusive profession and a quarter century thrust unexpectedly into demanding activism and personal situations, no energy or will to do any of them ...
If I do recover, Dear Readers, you will be aware of that as I continue this series :)
PS - having had my last day of work and feeling quite a boost, I have hope I will be able to do those things I wish to
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Finally, remember: we generally need to be more human being rather than human doing, and to mind our Mӕgan.
